I was reading the summary for Book 12 of Paradise Lost, and it hit me how amazing it is that God continues to pursue us. He knew from the beginning, that when He created mankind, we would fail Him, and He would have to sacrifice His only Son for us. And no matter how hard we tried, we would never reach Him, without His Son. It also hit me how distructive pride is...satan's pride landed him and his followers in eternal hell...then he hated God so much he went after us. We who are loved eternally by Him, and are His perfect creation. We were the perfect target for satan's revenge. after thinking about this for awhile, i understood again, why in life, there is no middle ground. We are either for Him or against Him. When I sin, I crush God's heart....I let satan win, I give satan a small taste of victory against my Heavenly Father. Against my Savior, my Comforter, my Friend. how horrible.

Amazing Love, how can it be, that you my King, would die for me? Amazing Love, I know its true, and its my joy to honor You, in all I do, I honor You.

O Lord my God, When i in awesome wonder, consider all the worlds Thy hands have made; I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, Thy power throughout the universe displayed. Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, How great Thou art! How great Thou art! Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, how great Thou art! How great Thou art!
And when I think that God, His Son not sparing, Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in; That on the cross my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin. Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, how great Thou art! How great Thou art! Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, how great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed.
You watched my team win, and watched my team loose
Watched when my bicycle went down again.

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said Elbow Healer, Superhero, come if you can.
You said, I Am.

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10 pm?
You saw my mistakes and watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper, be my best friend
You said, I Am.

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said 'forever' to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it is 2 am.

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
Oh, Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker, hold on to my hand.
You say, I Am.

The winds of change and circumstance
Blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar.
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer.

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne.
Who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finalaly headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End
I Am. I Am.

"I AM" by: Nichole Nordeman

This is one of my favorite songs right now, it grasps for me how personal our God truly is...and that is a comfort to me. If you click her name, it will send you to her page of song clips, I highly recommend listening to this one.

well i have to say that i think i did the craziest thing i've ever done in college tonight....ok well maybe crazy is a strong word....its more like the silliest thing i've ever done in college.

here i was at 9:00 sitting in the upstairs t.v. room of my sorority house watching Everwood (which is a GREAT show) and then once that was over, getting sucked deeper into the never-ending cycle of watching useless shows...and i see these two women making s'mores. i think to myself "wow, i haven't had one of those in a while...actually that sounds kind of good right now...hmm i'll have to eat one sometime soon." well the scene on t.v. quickly left and so did the thought of eating s'mores...or so i thought. dun dun dun. little did i know that my mind was already formulating the quickest way for me to eat one of those.

next thing i know, i am having the biggest craving for s'mores in my life! by this time it's like 11:30. a crazy time of night for me to be thinking about going to the store to get the essential ingredients of a s'more! well folks, i definitely WAS thinking that crazy. First i decided that i would go to the mini-store on campus, and then realized they probably wouldn't have graham crackers...and their prices would be outragous. then i asked one of my sisters...and they suggested going to the mini-mart that was just around the corner from our sorority house. so i thought, "hey what a great idea!" well i start walking over there and get into the store...guess what they had. Marshmallows. that was it. 1 out of 3 is pretty bad...and they weren't even Kraft Jet-Puffed marshmallows, they were some unknown brand that looked a billion years old. Needless to say, I quickly left the store determined to go somewhere else and get my craving fixed.

On to plan B...Publix. well this plan did not last very long considering I quickly learned that Publix closes at 11:00...like any decent grocery store would. how were these people to know that a poor girl would crave s'mores at 12:00 at night? Plan C...Walmart. yes, i drove to walmart. now in tallahassee...the closest walmart is years away from campus...i definitely wrote about the distances stores are to campus in an earlier blog...so i won't go into that....but anyways...here i was alone in my car driving a very long distance to walmart just because i wanted s'mores.

well i got there ok. and found my ingredients, and also found out that a lot of people do their weekly, and some monthly grocery shopping at 12:15. anyways...i was standing in line waiting for the check-out lady realizing how ridiculous i was being about my craving when i hear laughter coming from behind me. keep in mind, this was very faint laughter and male laughter. but coming from only one guy. so i quickly turn and i see this guy looking at me with a very amused look...and laughing. more like chuckling. i found him quite attractive...a little on the short side, but hey whatever! i'm at walmart at 12:15 come on! anyways....i start defending myself about my three items on the belt, saying "i had a craving, i know its weird...i tried going to the store on campus....etc." you get the picture. well i look down and happen to noticed his items....broccoli, bananas, orange juice, and mixed fruit juice.

i begin to laugh, and point out that my stuff is completely unhealthy and i don't normally eat this way. he then told me that his major was Science and Nutrition, and had to keep up with his diet. i asked him if he ever had unhealthy cravings and he gave me this look like "what does that mean?" i quickly covered my semi-serious question with a joke saying he probably craved oranges...which he agreed to. so that joke died right there. i even joked around about my s'mores being my dinner...which i don't think he understood to be a joke cause he said "yeah, i remember my first year in college and i didn't eat that well..." i then told him it was a joke. clearly he didn't understand my humor. and he quickly asked me what year i was in school. then asked me why i was living on campus. he found out i was in a sorority, and then i learned that he was in Kappa Sig. so we had a Greek connection.

well by this time i was already checked out ready to go and we were having small talk as we left the store. he ended up driving right next to me on the road a little ways and i kept trying to see if he wanted to tell me something...but he never looked over. so whatever. i just thought this whole evening was hilarious. the one person i talk to in walmart happens to be a nutrition major and Greek.

to finish my story...i came home safely, and made myself two half s'mores. they were cooked to perfection. chocolate dripping from them as i bit into the s'more. mmmm. so good! i have to use part of a Frank Sinatra song to describe what my first reaction was to satisfying my craving: "Heaven. I'm in heaven. and my heart beats so that i can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek."

If you have never seen the Original S'mores Collection, definitely take a look! They are the cutest things in the world!! I love them!

It is such a gorgeous day! Today I was sitting under a tree on the cement wall watching ants make their home. I have never really taken the time to watch them build anything...I've watched them walk in their little lines or surround a dead bug, but never building. I was completely amazed. They work constantly! Picking up a small piece of dirt and walking up the hill and placing it down and going back into their hole and doing all over again. It really is cool to watch. The ants were so small that all I really saw were these pieces of dirt moving up the hill to the top and then stopping.

As I sat there I realized all those times I kicked ant piles, or smashed them flat, I was destroying a work of art. Granted, dirt is not considered to us as art, but to the ants, it is. That dirt pile specifically made by them, is their way of glorifying God. It is a way that God shows Himself to us. I sat there in wonder of how creative God is and how neat it is that His creation--even ants--can teach me a lesson on perseverance and dedication.

I also enjoyed the fall leaves. I picked up about seven different leaves that had a gradiant of colors. I LOVE this time of year. Something about seeing trees have so much color is exciting to me. Being able to be outside and not so cold that you're miserable, but it not being excruciatingly hot is awesome! :) I'm going to take those leaves and hopefully leaves I find in South Carolina this weekend back to Orlando and pretend that fall actually happens there. The fact that any city in Florida has some semblance of seasons is cool to me.

"The falling leaves, drift by the window. The Autumn leaves of red and gold. I see your lips, the summer kisses. The sunburned hands, I used to hold. Since you went away, the days grow long. And soon I'll hear, ol' Winter song. But I miss you most of all, my Darling...when Autumn leaves start to fall.... "

Well today started out really bad, but ended great. I woke up to a very rainy, wet day and it proceeded to get really gross. Miami beat us, and the poor players had to play in a nasty, muddy field...I left during halftime because I was miserable, it was pouring down rain, i was cold, my shoes and pants were soaking, and watching the game from the overstuffed couch at the house really began to appeal to me. but anyways after that I went to cook dinner for katie, beebs, laura, and janna. that was so fun. it lifted my spirits. we watched Bridget Jones' Diary while we ate my dinner and Laura's yummy cookies. we all also decided that Colin Firth is a very cute actor...oh and Matthew McConaughey.

I came home to the house and had a blast with some of my sisters! I got to help throw elizabeth's brother into the fountain. I experienced nic's cowgirl dance (mind you nicole had on these brown clog-looking shoes with blue socks, a cowboy hat on, her pj pants, and a white FSU shirt). I experienced being in tay's car with four other completely sober people acting completely insane! For instance, we were all singing to Amy Grant's Baby Baby song at the top of our lungs! i got to see Tippy get thrown into the fountain and stay there sitting in the water!! haha. then she climbed it and sat on the top of it smiling at everyone else! I also saw her start to speak in spanish to everyone in nic and tay's room, saying that she was drunk and was not normally drunk. I saw elizabeth get thrown into the fountain by her brother, screaming the whole way, but still managed to give her camera to another guy to take a picture of the whole thing. it was so great. this is why i like living in the house!! i love these girls they are so cool to be with! insane...but still fun. :) and hey...i thought i was crazy...but i think after this year, i'll be A LOT WORSE! (hehe)

i am in my Intro to Edu. Tech class...and guess what I'm learning? how to send and receive emails, what a modem, listserv are, and how to identify a chain letter!!!! why the heck am I paying muchos amounts of money for this class??? I know this lesson already! Just living nowadays teaches you about this stuff. I feel like I'm wasting my time....but the thing is I can't clep out of it because it is a pre-req for my major. ugh ugh ugh! you would think that the univeristy would realize that most of its students KNOW how to send and receive emails...considering that is the main form of communication. but whatever...i'll sit here at 8:00 in the morning for two hours and forty-five minutes learning about things I already know....oh how i love being in college. :P oh and by the way...my TEACHER gets more excited about this stuff than I do because its NEW for him....our generation has grown-up learning this stuff...his has not. so when he gets really really excited about power point, or mass mailing, or buying things on line...the rest of us want to die. k...now back to paying attention.

well i'm in O-town and it feel sooo nice to be home. :) I have a lot of plans for this short weekend...i doubt many of them will happen, but its nice to have fun plans in your head! One plan that will NOT change, is writing my essay. ugh. i wish it was done already. but i have this little drive inside of me to finish it tomorrow...i'm hoping before 3:00pm. that way the rest of the weekend i can play!

anyways...last night was another social for my sorority. the theme was Secretaries and Executives...so easy to dress for! This is partly why i went. ;) another reason was one of my sisters, Elizabeth, was only going for an hour! so that sounded good to me! it was an OK social, as socials go. We had it on the top of A.J.'s a sports bar. So it was cold, just cause it was outside and 50 degrees. Yes, we are having a cold front in Tally...but only for a week the weatherman said. sad. :(

The weird part about this social was the fact that when everyone started dancing...the floor moved. a lot. it sorta scared me. i guess to those who were drinking it either felt normal or they just ignored it!! the guys were actually quite nice. anytime one of them accidentally bumped me while walking through a group...they apologized! which is not seen often in frat boys. so i was impressed by that. they also were very much into dancing. and since i can't dance this provided me with a bit of a problem...but i kept telling myself that it was only an hour, and before i knew it, 45 minutes had gone by! my problem with these socials is that once i get there i have to sort of survey the crowd first...because i get intimidated by the large number of people and the fact that i have to have small talk with them for 2+ hours. then i start to mingle. well people automatically think i'm not having a great time at first...but in reality i'm trying to catch my bearings in this room of people. i was pretty proud of myself during this social because i actually met around seven guys, and had the normal small talk with them. it was completely boring and i felt like i was being rushed all over again!! But still, i did my sisterly duty and 'mingled' with them! "improving social relations within the Greek community."

It is amazing how God knows exactly how to talk to His children. Tonight my friend Chris was telling me about one of his adventures while he was in Spain, and told me how God had met with him on a mountain side. It reminded me of one of the best quiet times I've had since coming to school...it happened this past Tuesday. The weather was perfect on Tuesday and I could not help but compliment it...I kept saying over and over again how pretty it was. So naturally I wanted to do my homework outside. But before I did my homework, I decided to do my quiet time....it was amazing. I ended up pretty much sitting in God's presence for an hour praising His Name and talking to Him as though there was nothing else to do. He encouraged me sooo much within that hour...I can't even describe how wonderful it is to know a God who will personally meet with His children. I understood that verse that talks about all of creation is praising His name and telling the whole world of His works and glory.

This is off the point...but I so excited to go home this weekend! I have not been home in two whole months...yes this may sound small to some people...but I have realized that I am a family person, and love being around them. I have missed being at my house and talking to my parents...so i hope this weekend is very relaxing and a nice breather for me till Thanksgiving break.

oh my gosh...i have finally seen the trailer to The Return of the King and I am going balistic right now! I cannot cannot cannot wait for this movie to come out! I jumped when I saw the spider part!! And I knew they would show it! It's going to be the best movie yet! oh man....i'm so excited!!! 76 days left until this movie comes out. oh yes...a countdown has begun. speaking of great movies coming out, if you have not seen the trailer for The Passion by Mel Gibson, definitely find it online...because that is also going to be one good movie. So far all the reviews I've heard from respected Christians have said it is one of the most moving portrayals of the crucifixion they have ever seen, and it caused them to cry. I am hoping and praying that it changes a lot of lives...this could be a huge thing. Pray that this movie comes out, cause I know that Satan probably does not want this movie out there. maybe i'll just put links up on this blog so all you have to do is click it and you won't have any excuse not to see them!

The Passion

The Return of the King

ahhhh! the beauty of food in my tummy. it is the best feeling in the world. especially today. i am just now eating dinner, sad i know. all i wanted to do this afternoon was shop for like two hours max on my little sister stuff that i need for phi mu...but it turned into a shopping trip that lasted from 4:00-8:30pm. I am sick and tired of driving...and wish i could beat something up!

Reasons for Carrie's stress level being so high:

1. the traffic lights every three inches in this city. when there's a home game in tally, EVERYONE is out on the road for some reason...thus making the traffic lights unbearable...and considering there are millions of them in our small city, it makes it pretty crazy.

2. No Super Target five minutes away from where I live. Yeah, that pleasure is only found in Orlando (which i DEARLY miss right now). here in tally its like fifteen minutes away and isn't a super target. just a regular one. so to compensate for this i had to go to the normal target and the Super WalMart, which is thirty minutes away. oh yeah...it was so fun <--to be read VERY sarcastically.

3. the fact that Number 1 Stir Fry (my all time favorite food stop here in Tallahassee) does NOT accept Discover card or checks. this was my last stop on the way home...and i get parked and go inside. i ask them, do you take Discover? 'no.' do you accept checks? 'no.' and i look inside my wallet...and lo and behold...only $5.00. not enough for a meal. so i have to get back into my car and go to publix to take money out.

4. Publix ATMs. now normally this process wouldn't have been stressful at all...but since i am having one of the worst times getting food in the history of food getting...it had to be. i stuck my card in there and accidentally pressed "get cash out of savings account." i don't have a savings account on my FSU card. so i cancel the transaction. then i see that my card popped out, so i push it back in. well it gets stuck. and i can't get the stupid machine to do anything....thankfully the machine realized my card was in it and it popped it back out again. and i got my money.

5. People who cut me in line when i'm about to check out and just stare at me like i'm crazy for even thinking about checking out before them.

6. People who go ten under the speed limit because they just feel like it and stay in the fast lane while i'm trying to get to Super Walmart and am very hungry.

7. the fence around the parking lot of Phi Mu. when i park in the lot right next to Phi Mu, i have to walk all the way around it to get to our house. this is fine when i remember everything in my car i have to bring to the house. but like today...i walk all the way up to my room with my arms full of stuff and i realize. oh my cell phone is in the car...great. i walk all the way back around the fence and get the cell phone and walk around the fence again to get to the house. :p

8. parking lots that say "During Home Games, this lot needs to be cleared by 5:00pm Friday. Or you will be towed." Did Carrie care about this sign at this point??? NO! i just wanted to eat!! i'm assuming that i will be the one car out of the five that are left in that lot to be towed. oh well. don't care at this moment in time.

Things that are helping calm down Carrie:

1. Tomatoes
2. Rice
3. Cashews
4. Teriyaki sauce
5. Stir fry in general
6. A whole night with Tatie :)
7. A night with Mr. Darcy (P &P)
8. Iced tea (perfectly made--1/4 sweet, 3/4 unsweet)
9. Double dipped chocolate malt ball (comes with the stir fry--seriously this place is great!)
10. 4 crunchy chocolate chip cookies that are waiting for Kate and I to eat them!
11. Christmas music playing on my computer--this is a big contribution to my mood change
12. The anticipation of a quiet night
13. The little boy who was selling popcorn in front of publix, and decided to stand guard protecting my card from being stolen out of the ATM as I got help. then watching my every move as I took money out! he was so cute. :) he told me that his mom usually gets $20 ( i got $40 out).
14. A parking space two steps from the entrance to Michaels
15. Not having to eat fake hamburgers for dinner

notice the good out number the bad...so i'll be fine. it will just take a couple more Christmas songs and the rest of my stir fry and malt!! ;)

today in church a Wycliffe couple showed a video highlighting different people around the world who need to be reached for the gospel. The song I Can Only Imagine, was playing in the background...and I realized how much I missed being overseas and seeing God moving upclose and personal. Sometimes I feel as though I don't have enough faith to believe that He is working as hard here in the U.S. because we're so closed to Him being here. I mean, I thought about how hard missionaries work to tell other people about Christ...and how so many people don't even have Bibles, but they are still preaching the gospel to their own people. then I realized how badly I'm doing here in tally. I have Bibles, I have resources around me...and yet I still don't step out and tell. I don't feel the urgency to tell them about the gospel like I do when I think about going overseas. this is probably partly due to the fact that people here are so quick to put on the mask of security, indifference, and pretend to be under control of their lives. It's partly due to my stupid need to be in my comfort zone.

Why do I continually loose my focus, and turn my head from Him, and start looking down at all the homework that is pilling up, things "I need to be doing?" It's like I need someone in my life who will constantly ask me if I am living with an eternal perspective or focusing on things that will pass away. I feel trapped by myself. Trapped by business, laziness (oxymoron i know), school work, so many random thoughts in my head of what I should be doing. It's too noisy, and it distracts the real me from coming through and wanting to witness to my sisters, be a light in my classes, take time out of my day to spend with God. I hope realizing this will shock me into reality and change my habits I'm forming...pray for me.

well tonight was our Crush social...each girl can invite three guys. it was interesting and really made me sad. all these girls and guys who are empty...trying to fill themselves up with the social scene and alcohol. girls hoping guys will show up so they can have their 'special someone.' how do they do it over and over again? meeting new people then dropping them, and going out again to meet more people. i would probably get really depressed...maybe thats why they drink so much. tonight brigitte and i had to take one of our new pledges back to the house because she split her pants open while dancing on the 'stripper' pole. she felt really embarassed....but probably won't remember the drive or most of the party. see she told us that she had twelve shots before she came. she kept apologizing to me and another sister...thinking she was being an inconvenience to us...but to me, it just makes me sad that this is the way she thinks she can have fun with her friends or even with guys. at one point in the car ride she had commented that this was God's way of punishing her because she had slept with a fraterity guy. it was amazing to me to see her logic in it all, and see that even when you are totally out of it and drunk...you still think about God. i don't mean to tell this story to try to make myself look 'better' or judge her. i just wanted to write it down to remind myself that sorority and fraternity people are no different than anyone else...they are lost people constantly searching for something/one to fill their needs, and are very good at acting like they have no needs or problems. pray for my sorority. pray that they will catch a glimpse of how much God loves them, pray for brigitte and i as we minister to them. pray that we shine in the darkness and keep our walks stong.

It's a miracle! I only spent $144 on books this semester!!! It is time for a party. :) Its so nice to know that I'm getting money from Bills Bookstore...instead of the other way around. hehehe.

Guess who is in my Old Testament class?? Johnny Depp. no seriously, there's this kid that looks exactly like him! Its weird! The other day he had on a bandana and it was so freaky...if he had put on heavy eyeliner, grown a little taller, and a pirates costume, he would have looked exactly like Captain Jack Sparrow. It is so strange watching his movements...because they are like him too! sort of drug-ish. He even gave his friend some advice: "If you're high when you study, and high when you take the test, you'll get high grades." yeah...well he didn't do to hot on the quiz we had. so much for his advice!

i am sitting here thinking about what i am going to do tomorrow (since it is labor day and I should go out and do something), listening to piano music, and wishing that i had my family around to plan with....luckly this weekend they are coming up here to Tally for Parent's weekend and my bro and sis are coming up as well! i'm so excited. :) I hope the game is a lot of fun and that we have a great family time. i feel like i've been up here forever...but i've only been through ONE week of school. how sad is that?! but i've been in tally for 3 weeks...thats why it feels so long. i have a sneaky suspicion that this school semester will fly by....because of several reasons: 1. my classes are very boring...so i will be looking forward to them ending. 2. football season always seems to fly by because its so fun! 3. fall semester seems shorter to me than spring...even though its not! i think it's because i look forward to christmas so much! ;) 4. because freshman year went by very fast and i know this one will too.

my options for tomorrow:

a. go to lake ella and have a quiet time with God in the morning. possibly do some of my reading for my classes there if i enjoy myself.
b. sleep in, and then sit in my room and do hw until its done and then figure out what to do with the rest of the day.
c. watch the news in the morning (because i feel very out of it...the only news i get is from my homepage on the internet: www.cnn.com, and through my radio at 1:00am: BBC newsradio), then do hw, then go out somewhere.
d. complete option 'a' and then call brigitte and see if she wants to do something with me.
e. complete option 'a' then sunbathe on our new deck until it rains on me...

if anyone else has any ideas...i'd love to hear them! but now that i think about it...i think i'd like to do 'd' and sunbathe...if thats possible. if not i do have most of the day on tuesday!!! oh the choices we have to make in life when there is a holiday... ;)

A picture of Lake Ella

check out all my cool links....i just figured out how to fix up my site a little bit. i know i'm slow...but i had some time to fiddle with it! ;) oh and if you are in need of radio...check out the 'positive hits' link. you can choose between Z-radio, Y-hot (pop), and Y-rock (rock).

oh by the way...the extended version of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers is finally out. it came out yesterday! and there are officially 111 days till the next movie is in theatres! check out the website its awesome, and Orlando Bloom welcomes you to the sight if you're lucky. ;)

the coolest website that everyone should see!

well recruitment is over and God definitely answered prayers. we have an awesome pledge class, one of the biggest on campus! (61 girls!) I also received a personal blessing...a girl named Brigitte. She is a SOLID Christian girl whose main purpose in going through recruitment was to minister to the Greek system. I am SO EXCITED about her being my future sister, once she is initiated. God is going to do a mighty work here. I can't wait to see what He has planned. :) I also realized one thing these past two weeks. Rush isn't as easy as it looks. Some might question the 'intensity' that could be involved with rush...but believe me, as a girl just coming out of practicing for this thing, it was not easy. We definitely used every spare hour in the day to practice. and for those of you who think you are a people-person. think again. try being around girls for two weeks. yeah that really increases your patience level and causes you to become a loner in your free time quickly. don't get me wrong, it was a great sisterhood bonding experience and i'm glad i went through it, its just one of those instances where i'm happy that it only happens once a year.

Today i did a very exciting thing. Now it may not seem that big to many, but to me it was. I used the FSU bus system. yay! The reason this is such an accomplishment is because i normally do first time things with other people...because i'm the type of person who likes having others around me who sort of reassure me that i'm doing the right thing. yes i know its probably a bad part of my personality or some sort of lack of confidence thing. but anyways...i did it all by myself and it was great. now i am going to definitely use the buses for my wednesday schedule. i have an 8:00 class on the opposite side of where i sleep. so knowing that i can just fall out of bed and ride a bus to class is a great thing. :) And now after this wonderful bus experience...I definitely feel more in tune with the mass population of students at Florida State. hahaha. that sounds so ridiculous! oh well! i'm a werido.

So far school has been fine. One thing i noticed though, was that I have muchos amounts of strange teachers in my schedule...i don't know whether that means that i just happened to get into the weird teacher classes...or that the major i picked (Education department) is just full of strange teachers. In which case, if the latter is true...than I better get used to them because i'll be with them for the next two years. But anyways...i like my classes for the most part and am looking forward to learning the material...except for one computer class i have which is going to be VERY boring...this is partly due to the fact that the class is 2 hrs. and 45 minutes long! ugh. and my teacher is one of the strangest men i have met yet...another being my astronomy teacher from last year. but i won't go into that. all i can say is that we (the 4) called him Pinky. i shall have to come up with a nickname for this new strange one...hmm. it will probably require a lot of thought. to give you an idea of how strange he is...he kept using the words "ain't," "studenting," (ex: 'which is more important to you, your studenting or your job?') and "over yonder." (ex: 'you can go visit the desk over yonder.') yeah...its definitely going to be an interesting semester.

I absolutely love guitars and pianos! I really do hope that one day I will be able to play the guitar and that my future husband will be able to play either the guitar or piano. I know that sounds like the wishings of a young girl...but hey i can dream right? one of my favorite things to do is just sit and listen to someone play. there is something relaxing and calming about it...it also amazes me. God is so awesome the way he talents certain people with gifts.

Today I had an awesome quiet time. I'm going through this book called An Invitation to Eavesdrop, finding yourself in the Psalms by Barbara Francis. It is totally amazing! It has helped my spiritual walk grow tremendously this summer and even continue to grow this summer. Because I've been so busy, and tired...my quiet times have turned into either short reads of the Psalms of quick jots in my prayer journal...nothing fulfilling. So this morning I prayed that God would give me time with Him today during my lunch break. And it was simply amazing the time we spent together...I learned a lot about His character and had just a peaceful, fulfilling, intimate moment with Him. I was so excited to see my new-self coming out when I felt that desire and urge to read His Word and to spend time with Him. I'm discovering how much He truly desires me and my company. I am constantly reminded by the Holy Spirit throughout the day that He is my strength and my joy. Pre-rush is very difficult and trying on my patience, nerves, mind...etc. But God is soo faithful. He really is...He has been my joy these past few days. I seriously could NOT deal with this week and all the stress if I didn't continually give up control of my life to Him.

I think it makes life so much easier! Why try to control it yourself, when our Father desires for us to let Him take over? What can go wrong? So what if you step out of your comfort zone a little bit. As a very wise man (Mark Z.) once said during my three weeks at CSU this summer, "Once you step out of your comfort zone and endure all of the discomfort, you experience a joy so abundant that you are willing to go through it again to experience that joy." God wants us to die to our desires and life to serve Him wholy, so that we experience the joy He has for us! That is overwhelming to think about...He has such a great joy waiting for us that He is continually asking us to trust Him enough to give over control of our daily lives. It would be like if one of your closest friends had this gift waiting for you and he/she talked about how much you'd like it and how awesome it was, but the only way you can receive it is by letting them blindfold you and guide you to it. Yes there is a little bit of fear, like "what if i run into the wall?" or something...but ultimately, your desire for that gift must surpass your fear--otherwise you'll never get anywhere. ok ok i'm stepping off my box now. I just get so excited when I have my eyes cleared a bit and I see all that God is doing in my little sphere of life. ;) This quote that will wrap this entry up is from the Psalms book and is one of my favorites:

"For me too, accepting God's love involves a relentless hushing of voices that whisper otherwise. You are not worthy. You have failed again. God cannot possibly love you. My conscience having formed under sermons portraying an Old Testament god of strict authority and punishment, I can barely grasp the reality that God has condescended to live within me and now loves me from the inside out. I must ask the God who is 'greater than our hearts' to halt that ruthless cycle of condemnation and remind me of perhaps the hardest thought to grasp, that God desires and loves me." --Philip Yancey, Reaching for the Invisible God

Its amazing how draining it can be when you are surrounded by friends or aquaintances who don't know the Lord personally. The atmosphere is really heavy...and you seem to be always on your guard...in spiritual armor. Then when you are alone...it is calming in a weird way. I feel like i'm just dazing into the distance or zoning out...sort of collecting my thoughts. But then it is hard to get down on your knees and have some personal time with God...I know this is true for me especially during this week of Pre-rush. we are so busy practicing and stuff that everytime i have a break i'm either sitting down and relaxing or staring into nothing.

well this is technically my last night of freedom until August 25th....because up here in Tally sorority pre-rush and rush starts! yay! Hopefully we'll get really great girls. I'm praying for them anyway! ;) so if you guys read this in the next two weeks keep us in mind up here in Tally!

Tonight was one of those realization times where I realized that I am a really sad person. I have like 50 hours of music on my computer and I still have problems finding something to listen to....come on! What is up with that? But it always seems to happen....but how? How in the world could I be tired of all 50 hours of that music? Then I get cravings to buy more CDs that I think I need...when in reality I don't...but I eventually buy them anyway. so really its this sick obession that never gets filled...hopefully someday this sick disease will leave me....

P. S. I'm back in Tallahasse and will definitely be writing more in my blog! stand by for more posts!

Follow-up to the Fun-noodle entry:

Since people were getting confused as to what a fun-noodle is, here is a brief description: A fun-noodle is a floating device used in swimming pools...they usually come in bright colors like red, orange, yellow, green...etc. I recently was in Target and saw that the Fun-noodle company had created twisted funnoodles. meaning instead of their surface being smooth is was a twisted up. i hope this clears some confusion as to what i was talking about. I did send two noodle-letters in the mail...and it really wasn't expensive at all! I think it was around $1.06 to mail it and i dunno....like $1.50 to buy the noodle. so all in all its a lot cheaper than buying a gift for your friends...and it is so much more fun to give! I also found out that the mail man has to hand deliver it to your door! hahaha. i thought they would put a slip in your mailbox telling you to pick it up in the postoffice. hey for $2.56 you can send your friend a gift and have it hand-deliverd! pretty sweet deal. by the way...my friends who received them thought it was hilarious and appreciated them! ;) Hope that this idea inspires people to send crazy 'letters' to their friends!

ok so i've been in the direct sun for the past two days here on project. on Monday we (meaning half the staff team and the senior high students) went to a ranch in Estes Park and i wore a tank top and only put sunscreen on my face....bad idea. yeah i was a little pink from that excursion. but hey i had a lot of fun. i met seven girls on my bus that i co-captained...(if that is a word) with Joel. that was fun. our bus was only half full so it was a nice group just to joke around with and bond together. aw! hahaha. then we got to the ranch and i pretty much hung out with lots of different groups. i played a couple rounds of Nerts with some. cheered on a volleyball game with others. and sadly my team lost but they did try....out of three games they one once. oh well. ;) then we had lunch and that was exciting. this ranch place had this wolf looking dog just wandering around...it was a bit discomforting. i mean the thing was really nice and stuff but it is sorta strange to see students sitting on the ground with this wolf staring at their food as they eat it. i dunno it sort freaked me out. but anyways...i also got to go to downtown Estes with a group of guys and Janell--a girl on the project. they all wanted to go to DQ so we invaded the little ice cream store and hung out in the air-con for awhile. then we found this stream-lake thing that formed from mountain snow run off....it was freezing. but i love it! on the way back to the ranch we stopped in this glass-blowing store. we were fortunate enough to watch this guy make an ornament and a bowl. liquid glass is soooo fascinating!! it looks and acts just like thick syrup or caramel. so we got a little souvenier from the guy (free i might add!!). it was awesome.

yesterday we (meaning all of us jr. and sr. high) went to Water World. which for all you Orlando people is a tamed down version of Wet n Wild. sometimes i realize how spoiled we are to live in a city that has like every amusement park created. it was an ok park. the worst part i think about it was the fact that they i guess don't understand the concept of having the floaty things brought up to the ride on a pulley system. we had to carry all the tubes to the tops of these hills to be able to go down the ride. it was a little ridiculous. i know some of you are thinking "wow she's lazy." but ok if you think....at Wet n Wild the only tubes you carry with you are either two seater or one seater ones....now this place you were carrying the four seater huge round ones....yeah. exactly pretty akward if you ask me. ;) but i still had fun anyway! i have definitely decided that i LOVE water parks. they are my favorite!! well the best story ever happened yesterday. two of my friends on the project Mike and Kevin were on a two-seater innertube and going down a ride that is just a twisted closed off tube...sorta like the Black Hole at Wet n Wild except not dark. well they were going down and the tube flipped over. kevin couldn't hang on and just kept going down the ride. mike got back on the tube and kept going. well at the end kevin pops out and the life guard asks him where his tube is. just as he is telling the guy he has no idea...mike on the tube rushes down and runs him over! hahahahaha. it was the funniest thing i have ever heard! who in the world gets run over my an innertube?? come on! hahahaha. we definately had muchos of laughter over that story. i wasn't even there to witness it...if i had been i probably would have died from laughing! i still laugh now thinking about it! anyways...my friends want me to go now. so i'll write more later about the trip! not that any of my friends really keep up with reading this thing. oh well! ;) j/k

did you know that you can send fun-noodles in the mail?? isn't that crazy? all you have to do is pay for the weight of the fun-noodle with the marker on it...which isn't very heavy and send it in the mail! hahahaha. how great is that? debby--one of the staff members here on project with us introduced me to this concept. she said that her friend sent bouncy balls last year to all her friends. imagine getting a bouncy ball in the mail with a letter on it! then i talked to michelle b. and she said that she's sent coconuts in the mail too!! i think i'm going to have to catch a ride on this crazy train. ;)

i am having so much fun here in colorado! The project people are awesome. :) there are so many from all over the US. Ohio is the popular state though...i think there are about four or five peeps from there...but there are three of us from Orlando, besides Michelle D. and Brian G. we have focused a lot on building our team unity and strengthening our walks with God. this week though is when everything is supposed to pick up speed. today we already went out with the kids and played capture the flag and a couple other games. it was awesome! they seem like fun. :)

one of the first bonding experiences we had as a team was climbing a mountain called Horsetooth. It was two miles straight up! and i'm proud to say that i did it all the way. of course i was out of breath at points, but my florida lungs prevailed! it was so pretty up there...the view. oh man. God is definitely evident here in the scenery of colorado.

this past weekend we went on a retreat to a ski lodge. we had great accomodations...these chalets with hot tubs in them! of course the one that was in our chalet didn't work! hahaha. Mandie (amanda), kristina, Sota (a.k.a. angela), Shara, and Debby all stayed in "my" chalet. while here we had Bert Robinson come and speak to us. it was exactly what i needed. out in the mountains away from florida and the business of CSU....i had great times with God. on the way to the resort we crossed the continental divide. and passed gorgeous mountains. we stopped to eat lunch at this little ranch style place at Trailridge mountain. which is a little over 12,000 feet high! I defintely saw snow and elk! it was crazy. i was freezing and it was in July! only in colorado! hahaha. we also past this lake that really was big and very deep. water was soo blue. guess what it was called?? Grand Lake. how funny is that?? very creative and explainatory! hahaha. anyways. we also spent the 4th of July on the retreat. we went back to Grand Lake and watched them go off. it wasn't the best show, just cause we were so far away. but still you can't beat the view! the day after we watched fireworks from our little resort thing. it was the end of some jazz festival. so God was good to us. that was one of the best shows i'd ever seen. we were sooo close to them and they were enormous!

well i'll write more later. i just didn't want to forget some of these things.

its so funny how much your spiritual life can flip flop from one extreme to the other...in a matter of hours. its actually not funny at all, its obnoxious. i get so frustrated with myself everytime i am in a supposed "problem." its like during those times a wall forms between my mind and my heart and all the things i know in my head...all the scripture, common sense...they get trapped and cannot get down to my heart where it would sink deep into my soul...and actually help me. so i end up just sitting there apathetic...because there's this wall around my heart...knowing the right answer, knowing the right thing to do, but not being able to bring myself to do it. or have enough passion, faith, and hope to do it. ugh. its those times where i plead with God to pierce my walls of apathy...to crush them down and let His Spirit invade my stone heart. but i find that sometimes He doesnt answer my prayer...and that pretty much was my last year in college. this battle between my apathy, and my want for a deep close relationship with God...but being frustrated that God wasn't doing what I thought I needed.

I truly have this desire to have an intimate relationship with God...i can feel my need for it. i feel my soul yearning for it...crying out to God for it. but for some reason...my body refuses to comply. yes i know there is a constant battle going on inside of us. flesh against the spirit. but why does it feel like the flesh is winning too much lately? isn't the spirit supposed to win a lot? or am I doing something wrong in my walk with Him? how can i spark passion into my life again? whats the solution? then again...i know that when I try to do things myself it fails. but then when i give it up to God i feel like nothing is done about it. does God want me to be apathetic right now? am i just kidding myself? am i really more messed up that i even realize? so then i pray again...that God would show me what is wrong...but then again. silence. God where is Your voice?

i continue to talk to Him, because I believe in His promise that He does listen to His children. And there are times when i do see His hand....I'm just being a selfish child and wishing for a more personal touch. One that will shake me to the core...and shatter these walls around my heart. wake me up inside.

and then when i sit here and think about it...He does show Himself to me...in little ways...ways that He knows only I would notice. like in the rain outside my window right now. i saw His awesome power in the black rolling clouds this afternoon that were reflected in the lake water as it turned dark. His provision in the turtle i saw eat some bread at work. I even saw a glimpse of His unconditional love for me in my faithful dog Sarsi (she followed me everywhere in the house this evening, and sat outside my door when i was changing!) He even is giving me money for a project i'm going to in July...its amazing how I can pretty much be a brat to Him and demand things of Him, and He continues to give me things....knowing that I probably will miss half of them...and continue to complain. He gave me private scholorships for college...through people that didn't have to support me...but are joyfully doing so.

and here i am having a problem at work...feeling patronized by my supervisor, unproductive, useless, and totally and completely bored...totally self-focused, self-motivated, and in a bad mood. Not being humble or meek...desiring equality...resisting my supervisor's authority. all the while thinking i was being all spiritual giving control up of my life to the Holy Spirit during my morning devos...when in reality...i was controlling myself and putting on my 'spiritual coat' against the HLE weather. (going with the quote for this blog). My mom told me to think about how much Jesus was patronized, and humiliated during his whole ordeal down here on earth. yes at first i bucked at the thought...because here again was the answer i knew in my head...but i did think about it. and it is really humbling to think about....Paul even urged the philippians:
"have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality w/ God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant..."
Jesus, the creator, was mocked my his own creation, humiliated, treated like crap pretty much, and worse. but He resisted the urge for equality, and instead gave up more of Himself, chose to trust God, and lived. and i didn't have it half as bad as He did, and I still have problems with this concept! how sad is that. i know i'm a work in progress...and I'm grateful for God's grace and patience with me. Thank you Father for not giving up on me. and for having a plan for my life and promising to be faithful to complete it.

I found this verse...sorta cool after what i just said...
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances." -Ezekiel 36: 26-27

oh! i forgot...i've officially been 19 for two whole months! oh and there are 220 days until Christmas for those of you who are Christmas nuts like me. ;)

oh yeah, and two of my friends are getting married in a week and a few days! its crazy!

Time to catch up on whats been going on in my life:

--The majority of my time has been devoted to my job at the HLE. can i just say that the sun in Florida has to be the hottest anywhere...except for certain places in Africa and possibly India. I also think its wrong to have sweat dripping down your back as you serve customers ice-cream in an Israelite costume. don't get me wrong...i've very greatful for my job and am happy that i have a source of income. there are just certain days that i really really dislike my job. but i guess everyone has one of those days...mine was this past saturday. there were only a few highlighting moments...one being a conversation i overheard. one of the guests was asking her friend if she had been to "The Scorpatorium" yet. The building she was refering to was The Scriptorium...an exibit that chronicles the growth of the Bible. yeah...i pretty much was holding in the laughter and told the first worker i saw what i had heard we all had a pretty good laugh over that one. :)

--I recently saw Bulletproof Munk. and surprisingly it is a pretty good movie. one that i wouldn't mind seeing again. partly due to the VERY cute guy in it...ladies seriously see this movie for him!! ;) and for the plot...it was sorta interesting. the only thing about it that was semi annoying was the fact that the Munk really never stopped smiling. now there are very few people who are like that in real life...and when i see them i always feel as though they are hiding something or they are strange. people who smile for no reason make me nervous. oh and the other thing about it was that it had some heavy Buddist philosophy in it...but other than that it was fun to watch.

--i've been meeting a lot of new people and its been a lot of fun. mostly at work. all the people who in the last eight months have been hired while i've been gone. most of them are quite fun to talk to. This one girl Jessica is gorgeous! She looks like an Israelite woman in her costume...she has pretty dark curls and dark eyes. she wears a green outfit that totally compliments her. :) I also have met a guy named Aaron who hung out with us four last night. he introduced katie and laura to Chai Tea. he seems to be pretty passionate about that stuff. ;) there is another guy that i met at work, but sadly i forgot his name. i'm really bad at remembering names. he waters the plants at the HLE. does a good job at gardening. :) its been fun to be back at work with all the people. i actually missed them all. my boss(es) included! the actual job work...maybe not quite as much, but the people definitely.

-- I saw Matrix Reloaded. That would have been an awesome movie if they had cut out the thirty minute sex scene...ok three minute sex scene. it felt longer...probably because of how uncomfortable it was. but other than that i liked the movie. it explained the matrix more in depth. and i probably will need to see it again to really catch everything that was said.

Well tomorrow i get the priviledge of watching some of my close friends graduate from high school. its weird how it feels like this past year has flown by and in some ways i feel as though it still is the summer after i graduated. but then other times it does feel like a year has past...but i still don't have a place that i fit. college is still too new. high school is definitely over. and here i am.

FYI: My archive links work now! :) how happy.

Can I just say that there really is no better way to wash a car than in sunny, summer weather, wearing your swimsuit, using a hose to spray your friends! hehehe! This is also another thing I did recently...today actually! Laura and I got together to wash her car at Nathan's house. it took us three washes to really get it clean...did you know that her car color is red? It was amazing! We actually saw how pretty it was under all that dirt! hahaha. GO COROLLAS! :) It was so fun to spray down the car and "accidentally" spray Laura as she stands there perfectly innocent! wahaha! Of course she got me back....as I was putting away the smoothies! bum! ;) then Nathan thought he'd be all sly and hug me with a wet, dirty cloth as I was leaving. Sorry nathan...but no stealth cookie for you. :D Carrie saw right through that plan...you see Nathan was bitter at Laura and I...why you ask? well, earlier, we had both sprayed him as well! hehehe. anyways. i said goodbye and turned to leave and SMACK. he threw the stupid rag on my back! all the gray suds and gross water dripping down....ew. anyways this is when i dropped my purse and walked towards him as he ran around the house...but thankfully Laura, my partner in crime had run to the hose and turned on the water. so nathan was hiding in the bushes a scaredy cat as the girls triumphed with the weapon! hehehe. ;) this is the best way to wash cars!

ok...why is it that the creepy people seem to come out of the woodwork at gas stations?? you don't see many of them until you seriously get to a gas station! The reason I'm talking about this is because I had one of these experiences before I left Tally.

I was sitting in our van waiting for my dad to come back from getting a receipt at the counter. I had the windows rolled down and music playing...it was incredibly hot that day...ugh summer here we come...anyways. this truck pulls up and two African American guys come sauntering out and slowly make their way to the front of the gas station. then another one comes out of no where (he had on this huge hat, which i'm assuming had muchos amounts of afro-ed hair in it...but thats besides the point ;) ) and greets the other two.

well the driver starts walked back to his truck. and then his friend started to follow him...but instead of going towards the truck he looked straight at me and started walking over towards me. Now this whole time i was constantly watching for dad wanting to start our four hour drive back home but still sorta wary of those guys. at this point i started freaking out a bit in my head. he kept looking at me funny and i kept shifting my eyes behind him searching for dad. so he turned to look behind himself and saw dad. But as he and I watched, it looked like dad was heading towards another vehicle, so he sorta smiled freakishly and looked back at me and continued walking. but by this time i saw dad coming and i was screaming in my head for him to hurry up! dad did get to the van just in time for the guy to realize and sorta smile at me weirdly again. then he wandered back to his truck where he leaded up against the back, and stared at me somemore. by this time i was seeing this all through my periferal vision...not wanted to look at him at all. We started to leave and the driver guy who had been watching his friend this whole time did one of those guy head nods to dad as we drove by. i asked dad later what he thought the guy was wanting...and dad said he probably wanted to ask for money...but i dunno. it was just a really freaky experience.

its funny how life decides that finals week is the perfect time to add more stress in my life, through guy and girl friendships. and i only have four full days up here...and now is the time that i get bombarded with it. partially due to my stupidity and partially due to the very fact that i'm leaving. why now? God is pretty much doing this and telling me...
"Trust Me carrie, trust Me in every area of your life right now...not just the academic part."
and i'm the one saying, "why now...why can't you teach me this lesson next week?? why this one?"
"Because I know better than you. Plus, you can get through this week, with My strength. I am always with you. I enjoy being with you, and I will quiet you with My perfect love."
"But I've already messed up today...taking a situation into my own hands and trying to be on top of it all...and failing miserably. being humbled....not fun. and this is all just today...the beginning of the week! how will i get through to the end?!"
"Yes you did mess up because you were trying. Once you let me help you through it, you felt better right?"
"yeah...i guess."
"you guess?"
"yes. i do feel better. but how can i mess up so quickly?"
"Well--"
"Never mind...don't answer that question..."
"Carrie, I know you better than anyone and I can tell you that you will get through alright. Trust Me. thats all I ask of you."
"Ok Lord...I give You control of this week, my three exams, my summer, and my friendships. But I can't promise I won't try to take them back...because my faith is so fragile--"
"Thats ok, I didn't ask for you to promise...I want to you trust Me. I love you carrie, and have created plans uniquely for you. Plans for well-being and not for misery, to give you a future and a hope. Rest in that promise."

more thoughts....

its weird how songs can bring back memories....i'm listening to Linkin Park and this one song really reminds me of my old guy friends. at the time it was the beginning of the split in our group. we were outside of the Cypress Springs clubhouse and they played the song to 'tell' us something...like that guy vs. girl thing. "despite how you were mocking me...acting like i was part of your property.remembering all the times you've fought with me. i'm suprised it got so far. things aren't the way they were before. you wouldn't even recognize me anymore. not that you knew me back then. but it all comes back to me. in the end you kept everything inside, and even though i tried it all fell apart. what it meant to me will eventually become a memory of a time" "i tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter. I had to fall to loose it all. but in the end it doesn't even matter. I've put my trust in you...pushed as far as i can go...for all this, there's only one thing you should know..." at the time us girls were thinking "oh brother" and we could turn it around to them...but now its one of those memories you don't want to forget. its crazy how that works. i mean you can feel the tension in the song echoing the tension in our group at the time...but now i miss it. i miss having that be my world...that be my problem. now i just sit. usually in front of my computer....looking outside realizing that i'm growing up and having to learn things for my job....realizing that friends i make here are going to be the ones i call when i'm thirty years old.
but this is usually what happens when i let myself think too much late at night. so i'll stop. anyways...thats a glimpse into carrie's head.

i miss having a group of people to hang out with...guys/girls who i just love being with....its lonely seeing all the different groups that are on campus. i went to the coffee shop the other day...i think i mentioned this in another blog. i walked in there and there was just a group of people chatting together...old friends. and i got my coffee and sat alone...then went outside and watched another group of people just having fun. its frustrating starting over. i had forgotten how time plays into friendships and groups. i forgot how freshman year in highschool i was completely boy-less and wanting guy friends...but scared of them. and sophomore year i really wanted guy-friends...but they were all older than me...so we started praying for them. and junior year was perfect. senior year was cool too. now freshman again. new place. new people. no energy to pray for new guys. you miss old memories...friends....places...times. but this year has gone by...really quickly....and i still feel like i haven't gotten anywhere. the guys i did meet have their own groups too. obviously because they've been here longer than me. but i just feel like i missed out on the group thats just for me. or how do i find it? these are just questions to send off into the void...not expecting any answer. just to get them off my mind...

I loved rain. It calms me down. Partly because it reminds me of my childhood...and most childhood memories cause a strange sense of peace or just contentment while you remember that specific memory. I'm just sitting here watching it fall in straight lines down to the earth...and watching the rain drops race each other down the window. i love it when the sun comes peaking out of the clouds and makes the wet pine needles shine with a golden light. Its so pretty. And mesmerizing...i have a hard time taking my eyes off it. The way the light bounces of the droplets of water hanging on the pine needles...the way the tree just sort of glows is so cool. It makes me smile. But now the sun has gone and the rain has stopped...its back to the gray tones of a cloudy day. But that brief rain shower has encouraged me...and for some reason...today was a strange one. I feel like I'm in a place in my life where I want to just think about things in my life...nothing in particular...but maybe just make time to just sit and think about life. But i feel like i constantly have to move...against my will. Constantly doing...when all i want to do is think. Sounds weird...but maybe this summer i'll be able to go somewhere (since i'll have a car) and just sit and enjoy just being alive...as opposed to constant activity. i almost feel like my need for solitude has grown since i came to college...which is sort of funny...because in the beginning i felt alone...and hated it. Now i want to be alone...but in a different way. There were times in high school where i knew i needed alone time...but i got it when i was in my room...and it wasn't a strong need in my eyes. Now it seems to be. Maybe its because i had time to think during my job in high school...and i talked deeply with many of my good friends...here i feel like there is no time to really go in-depth with my close friends...like i desire to...of course this could also have to do with my spiritual life. Which i think parallels my need for solitude. i know i need time to be still before God. To sit in His presence and rest in His love for me...but like the stupid person i am...it is a very frightening thought. i mean...what would the God of the Universe have to tell me...or would He even speak? To be completely silent before Him...my fear would be that all i would get would be awkwardness. Just like the feeling you get when you’re not completely comfortable with someone or you don’t know the person well enough and you have nothing to say…and then you both just sit there.

But on a lighter note...I saw the funniest thing today. :) Three guys (one of which i realized i knew) were playing skateboard ball. now you may ask..."Carrie, what is skateboard ball?" well its a made up game that only college guys would come up with! hahaha. they used a skateboard as a bat...and a hackie-sack as the ball. and basically played three man baseball. and counted runs on their fingers. i think the funniest part about it was the fact that they acted so seriously about it and were pointing to the different places they would hit the ball. hahaha. and the guy that i knew would leap up into the air and catch the ball in all these weird positions...it was great. at one point...the hitter missed the ball and said "i'm retiring..." haha! college guys can be so entertaining sometimes...especially when I had no clue what i was going to do for an hour (because my teacher canceled class! woohoo!) while i waited for my math class. they provided a great distraction while i waited. college life can be so fun sometimes...i've seen guys play tennis golf (same as golf except no holes and using tennis balls), frisbee golf...and now skateboard ball! hahaha its so great. :) and today three guys and their creativity encouraged me! thank you guys!

ok what is the deal with my magnetism for school buses?!? I see them EVERYWHERE!!! I'm being serious. and sometimes they shouldn't even be out on the road. Like during the day for example...when everyone should be in school...i see them. empty. its really creepy. My family and some of my friends are noticing how often they appear when i am around. For example...on this one road trip my family was on, i hadn't seen a school bus yet that day...so i was thinking i was in the clear. oh no. we saw a school bus being towed. yes. towed. it was broken down and being towed on a highway...a highway! what is that about? it was old and rusty looking...but it was being towed on a highway. and i saw it. my dad was laughing so hard and sped up to get a closer look. that is how bad it is! then another time, another road trip...i saw a school bus that was in pieces on the side of the road in a junk yard!? who sees that?!? come on! its insane.

Today while Laura and I were traveling to Orlando, I expected and was awaiting my school bus siting. well not only did i see ONE school bus, but a whole HERD of them.....four or five of them were driving together down the road in the opposite direction. even laura said that was too much! only me...only me! there is no way other people see as many school buses as I do. its a curse.

Today Beebs and I went to a new restaurant for dinner. It had been recommended to us by one of our sisters, and so we decided to try it out..since dinner at the house today was really gross. anyways...this place was totally awesome! :) It specializes in stir-fry...and most of you know how i feel about that! woohoo! ;) but anyways, they have great food! Besides the main meal, you also get a free chocolate candy for dessert (which was such a nice treat for a chocolate lover like myself), and the pleasure of reading some of the most random quotes on the wall! I decided to write down a few, so that those of you who don't live in the wonderful city of Tally, can join in on these fun little sayings.

-Heck Yeah. We make tastebuds really shine. But our bathrooms sparkle. (guess where this was hanging? yup right outside the bathrooms)

-Always read stuff that make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

-Good enough to slap a bear in the face for. (my personal fave! hahahaha)

-Did you close your garage door? (next to the entrance)

-We clean the table. You get on with your life. (next to the cashier and soda machine)

I was excited that we had tried out a Tally-original....it seems like the kind of place that the Food Network people would find! It was fun. A definite after-church possibility in my mind. :) And I think I can speak for Beebs on this one that we both totally enjoyed ourselves!

There are so many fun people in this world....the ones that I have particularly enjoyed lately have been the peeps in the GiFi family in Phi Mu. They are so great! :) Today I was hanging out with three of them and helping them make a sign for Nicole (one of my sisters who is coming home tonight from a trip). Now Nicole has a goldfish...and being the random person that she is, she named it Goldy Tinyrificus Maristani. So Lucia (her big sis) decides that the poster that is welcoming her home should be from Tinyrificus. Tippy (her twin) decides that it should say "Welcome Home Mom! love, Tinyrificus" that is so great! I love hanging out with them! They make me laugh all the time! imagine your goldfish making a sign for you! hahahaha. its really hilarious if you think about it long enough!

I was walking to my history class today and I laughed at a shirt this guy was wearing that said "Slackers Unite! Tomorrow." hahahaha. i still think its funny! its so perfect! Hey that reminds me...janna...i still think we should make shirts for our club CPSA (Car-less Peoples of America).

I never thought that face painting could be so painful! But i guess when you sit in a little-person's chair for five hours, with no breaks...it would cause some damage to your body. It was weird to stand up after such a long time and find that my legs had a hard time remembering how to walk properly. plus, it was a weird experience anyway because some of these kids wanted the strangest things on their faces! whatever happened to wanting simple hearts, stars, flowers, butterflies?? now kids want dolphins, USA flags, confederate flags, dogs, penguins, Sponge Bob...and even a muffin! (ask beebs about that one! hahaha) strange country i live in...

Oh and can i just say that i really dislike old tatoos. those things refused to come off onto the kids skin!! i had to practically squeeze their face to get it to stick! it was funny, cause i would try to ask them questions while i was rubbing the water on the tatoo...and sometimes they would answer (kids are very shy...espeically those in first grade!)...then i couldn't talk to them anymore as i held their head...cause they couldn't move their mouth very well! I felt so bad for them! but that was the only way i could get those stupid things to work!

Well this morning at 2:00am I finished my English paper...which means that I HAVE NO MORE PAPERS TO WRITE UNTIL THE FALL!!! WOOHOOO!!! I am free for one whole week to laze around and do nothing!! oh this is soooo going to be fun! heehee. :)
-Word to the Wise: remember that cement and skin don't mix. so when you trip and fall on your right hand, left knee, and your right toe and shin scrape on the cement steps, they won't turn out pretty! muchos amounts of blood gush out of your toe and start sticking to your flip-flops. and that the scrape on your knee causes your pants to scuff...and your shin is just in pain from the scrape the cement caused it, and of course your hand is in pain because you burned off a layer of skin so basically nerves are being exposed. so yeah, if you're ever wondering about whether cement is a good place to fall...just remember this note. oh and carry around bandaids...because teachers in college don't have them and it takes awhile for receptionists to find them. they also get quite queazy when they see your toe all bloody on your flip-flop. oh and make sure you can get to a bathroom quick to clean yourself up. its a good thing my english class was let out early today...otherwise i'd be in History class watching my flip-flop getting darker and darker from the blood stain. thank you Lord for watching out for me! anyways...i have to go to history now.

-just wanted to mention that I have exactly ten more days of school until finals week. Summer here I come!!! muchos amounts of money making and lazy-days up ahead. Carrie can hardly wait! no more finals...no more papers! oh the joy! oh the bliss! k...now its time to focus till then. pray for me.
*by the way, just for your information, there are 37 more thursdays till Christmas. :) *

Fun Facts about my Wednesday:
- I ate the weirdest cookie! It was an oreo-type cookie (ya know the cookies that are basically oreos except they aren't name brand) except in the cream filling were pop-rocks! as you would guess a very strange sensation occurred after taking a bite! and as usual the cookie was passed to two of my friends who had to join me in the strange adventure my mouth was experiencing. Ginger (my big sis in Phi Mu) gave one to me and said they were called Rocket something-or-others. my memory is slowly failing me. but if you ever see them in the store...try it, it is an experience you won't forget. look out cookie world here comes the future!
-well this one has to do with yesterday...i had gotten up early (7:55) to register for classes for the Fall semester...and then after that was finished i went to bed. Usually i set my alarm for noon knowing i won't sleep that long...but just in case by some bizarre way i happen to sleep till then, i won't sleep past noon. which would just ruin the whole day thing...cause when i wake up in the middle of the afternoon it just messes with my system. anyways...i went back to sleep and i actually woke up to my alarm!! Why am I so tired?? its not like i'm staying up incredibly late or anything. oh well. one of the many questions i ask myself.
-Today my cute yellow-duck umbrella served as a useful tool. When it is properly wrapped up and you press the little button near the handle, it shoots out like a sword! It was so fun to play with! hehehe. It helped me emphasize points I was trying to make talking to my friend Zandy. I bugged Beeber constantly with it by touché-ing her back! Carrie Strikes again!!!! wahaha! I definitely destroyed a plant I was standing next to...the thing was massacred! (ok..ok...a little exaggerated) I also used it to point at things! much laughter was heard from my friends...aside from Beeber who tried to flick me in revenge! too bad beebs...you don't have the coolness of the duck-umbrella! oh wait...you do...a periwinkle one...but wait...you left your weapon at home...so sad! hehehehe. ;)
-this fact is definitely not fun. Katie and I had to endure another math class....you have no idea how l--o--n--g it seems. She and I think we enter a time-warp and then some how get out of it at 4:50 every monday and wednesday. It must be 4:00 at least for ten minutes...in that class. and one minute must seriously be around 3 minutes each. so the hour and fifteen minute class in reality is...three hours and forty five minutes long. see why we dislike being there so much! i mean who wants to be in one class for over three hours??? yeah thats what i thought.

A depressing thing happened today. I found out that my favorite english professor will not be returning in the Fall. :( I had been hoping to take another class of his, but now it isn't possible. I really did enjoy him. He was the first professor that I actually talked to after class because I was interested in the material and wanted to continue talking on topics we were discussing in class...like college students do in the movies. sadness. why does he have to leave? CJ (a guy in my class) and I are highly disappointed. We had hoped to follow him through our majors (both English Ed.). Both of us had a routine of chatting with Dr. Martin after class in the stairwell...that was the place we usually ended up, and afterwards we all go our separate ways. Usually with me speed walking to my next class that is on the other side of campus with only ten minutes to do it!! CJ and I were also some of the ones that participated in class and joked around with him. We talked about random things too...like his former days in college, and even one time we talked about a student who had written on his SUSAI form in big bold letters that "YOU ARE NOT FUNNY." of course we laughed about that...and agreed that you have to have a sense of humor when you are reading about American Literature. hahaha. Another time he talked about one of his senior level classes and how they were constantly devising ways of distracting him--he conceded that it worked because...the later the day, the more he goes off topic. Then he said that in another class he had that was mostly made up of females, one of them started talking about weddings, and the class began to talk furiously...he ended up entering into the conversation and adding to it. of course we talked about it in our stairway chat room and decided that people who get married young are very brave and that none of us could handle it! (don't worry leah and michelle....i am sincerely happy for you both! I can't wait to see/be in your weddings.) :)

I guess this is just one of the ways God had blessed me this year...I hope that there are professors in my future that are just as fun and exciting to talk to...so farewell Dr. Martin! Hope you find fun students to talk to in Missouri and a good school that pays you well! Make sure and find some hay to stick in your mouth and some overalls to wear when you teach! ;)

My mom and I were talking about this book she is reading ( "People of The Lie" by M. Scott Peck). Its about his study on human evil. She was telling me how the motivation of evil people (aka. Hilter, Saddam) is all self-focused. if you think about it, all sin is self-focused. all of it. and those seven deadly sins, the main motivation is pride. Mom told me that Peck describes Satan as being the ultimate narcissist, totally self absorbed, cares nothing about anyone but himself. So of course sin in us would be the same way. its so weird to think that my flesh is constantly self-focused. and everything that it wants to do its motivation is pride. no wonder its hard for Christans to give up their reputations to God....because our reputation is not what we should be focused on, we are not showing ourselves, we are showing God's reputation, and we are supposed to be protecting His reputation. It goes against the very grain of our flesh.
Its so strange how opposite Satan is from God. In the book, Peck talked about how Jesus is the Christ, telling people to love each other, God the Father is creative, the Holy Spirit comforts and intercedes for us. Satan is the AntiChrist, loves only himself, and is purely destructive, opposing human life and growth. its scary how evil he is. i know personally i forget how evil he truly is....and how sick his plans are for people. war to me is a picture of it. i was sitting in my room last night and my mom told me a story that had happened recently in Iraq (It was after the suicide bombing had killed those soldiers). The soldiers were told to shoot any person who didn't stop when asked to stop going through a check point. a family in a van (about 11 of them) had gotten through one checkpoint and were trying to flee the city that was being bombed. so they went through one check point and thought they didn't have to stop anymore. the soldiers tried to get them to stop but they didn't understand what was going on or the new rules, and they were gunned down. ten people died in that van. mom said that when the news interviewed the woman that survived (who was pregnant) she said that she watched her children (about 3-5 years old) get their heads get blown off their bodies...and that she didn't want to have this baby, because she feels nothing emotionally. i just started crying about it...war is sooo evil. this poor woman now has no family and has to live the rest of her life with the picture of how they died. the soldiers who tried to stop them have to live knowing that if they had waited maybe one more second, or tried to stop them one more time, they could have prevented killing a family that was just trying to get away from the bombing...and who weren't suicide bombers. war is too backwards...it is sick. people have to make choices that they shouldn't ever have to make.
soldiers are going to come back with images in their heads that no one will be able to relate to....they will have culture shock in a way...their old friends won't understand that part of their life. i can't imagine how it would be to come home and after just killing people have hundreds of people come up to you saying you are a hero...
But i have to remember that God is in it somehow....even though humans are sick beings...God doesn't leave us. He is here, heartbroken, but here...and He will triumph over evil.

well i think i might have put in a place for comments...lets see if it works...oh good it worked. and i think the comments are above each entry...but i'm sure i can figure out which ones are commented on! hahaha.

Today would have to be summed up as a great day. :) I realized a lot of things....learned a lot too! The day started out with a revelation about myself...I realized that I am a modern-day Israelite. This morning I was reading Nehemiah 9: 9-31. It was a song of praise to God by the Israelites....and as I read it I realized how my life paralleled their journey through the wilderness. God showed them wonders like they've never seen before...He saved them from an oppressive king. But once they got to the wilderness they complained and complained...."we have no food", so God sent them manna. then it was "we have no water." God provided water through a rock. then it became "we are tired of manna we want something else...." so He provided quail. then they followed Him and loved Him for awhile...until they were dis-satisfied and turned to idols and earthy men. So God let them and saw them go through the consequences for their choices....death, disease, pain. And the Israelites cried out to God for help....amazingly enough He chose to hear them and come and rescue them from themselves basically. It amazes me so much how many times God does that over and over and over again in the Old Testiment.
Well that picture is the same as my life....God shows up in my life in a huge way, I am in love with Him, I feel His presence. I delight in being a child of His. then as the feelings fade and i walk along through life...the complaining starts...."Ugh. i don't like how You are making me do this...or go through this." just like a spoiled brat. So God shows me a glimpse of His love for me. then it becomes "why can't I have that over there...like she/he has...." or "I'm tired of being here...i don't want to try anymore. i can't see down the road of my life so it must be bad." then God shows me part of His plan for my life...and I rejoice. then my eyes begin to look towards myself and my own world...instead of looking up to see God and see eternal perspective. I begin to turn to idols in my life....friends, school, apathy, family, activity, tv. telling God that I am fully capable of doing things on my own and I'm in control and its all going to be ok. like the prodical son i run away...and God watches me with sadness but lets me go. Then the consequences set in and in my distress i call out to Him and come crawling back bruised and broken. In His grace He helps me up and walks with me the rest of the way home. Sadly I wish i could stay leaning on Him letting Him lead the way...but no, my flesh doesn't like that idea and the cycle starts again. Thank you Lord for being gracious and forgiving.

anyways....this is what i learned about myself today. so i prayed that God would show me Himself all day...and it was awesome! I had the best mood, the day was perfect weather wise! I got an A on my biology test when i took it a second time. :) :) :) and I felt sooooooo good about my middle-eastern history test i took today. God is good.

oooh! i'm going to be really random now. there were a few interesting things that happened to me today:

1. I ate a chocolate chocolate-chip cookie ice-cream sandwich. oh the yummy-ness of that treat! ;) although the only problem that i found with it was that once you finished it, you were full and felt full for an incredibly long period of time...not a very fun thing for someone like me who loves to eat constantly. but it was an experience worth trying! :)
2. I went tanning on Landis Green. this my friends was the first real college experience i have had yet! I was like those college girls in the movies who lay out on big grassy areas tanning! It was so great! Katie and I were laying there skipping class (teehee) and as jonathan lipps put it "letting the sun kiss us."
3. I had a frisbee thrown over my head while I was tanning. Katie and I were just laying there all nice soaking in the rays...when a bunch of Kappa Sig guys decided it was the pefect spot to throw a frisbee! so yeah there were a couple times where it almost hit our heads. scary stuff if you ask me! ;)
4. I thought I had lost my purple sunglasses...i had left them in the testing center when i took my bio test. poor things had to stay in there all alone! tsk tsk. i seem to be loosing a lot of things lately...hmmm....

well thats all i can think of to say...i have really enjoyed this day. now time to do stupid math practice quizes. oh and how the fun will begin.

OH MY GOSH! THE FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED TODAY! Katie and I were talking to eachother online and I needed to use a smiley face...so I increased the size of it so that it was gigantic! anyways...then we both saw our friend come on line (this friend's name will remain nameless, thus protected from the laughter that will follow if people knew this friend's identity) and decided that it was time to throw on our coats of weirdness and attack our friend....and then insued the Great Smiley Face Invasion.

yes i know....very terrifying. But alas...this poor friend was not able to surpass our weirdness....nor even come close to equaling our weirdness...no this friend merely gave us a boring response. But we were not daunted...no....but continued on, ever challenging the weirdness level and our friend's level of gullibility. katie and i were both trying to think of a creative way for me to end my conversation with our friend because i admit...i am lacking in the creativity at times...and katie came up with a clever little diddy....she said, to our friend for me: "a bird just flew through Carrie's window and shattered the glass. It's lying on her floor. She has to go clean up the mess now." meanwhile i had already said my boring goodbye when all of a sudden my friend quickly IMed me saying: "A bird just flew through your window?!?" (at this point in the conversation i would like to point out that katie and i quickly stopped talking over IM and i called her room right away in a fit of laughter over what had just occurred)

SIDE NOTE: Both Katie and I would like to say that we never intentionally meant for our friend to believe what we said....it was supposed to be one of those--ha ha ha...you guys are weird--kind of things.

anyways back to the story so i decide to further this imaginary incident even further to see if our friend would continue to believe our story...and said:"yeah it did. Its really gross." (there ya go...a perfect example of my lack of creativity) well our friend believed me. but i soon realized that it was 11:59pm....STILL APRIL FOOLS DAY!! we had a way out of this! so i quickly told Katie over the phone and IMed our friend and told our friend that it was an April Fools joke. of course our friend was shocked and then quickly gave us the response we had wanted and laughed at us and our strange behavior....needless to say katie and i have build rock hard abs over this whole incident from the muchos amounts of laughter. :) I have to say...for the record, this has been the best April Fools Joke in my entire existence! hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I am craving one of the little joys of life....chocolate-chip cookie ice-cream sandwiches. yummy. They are the perfect balance of chocolate and vanilla ice-cream! I think when i get older i'll have to have lots of these in my freezer....they are becoming a must in Carrie's life. Isn't it funny how certain foods can make all your cares disappear? Here I am stressed about my history and biology test tomorrow and all I can really think about is that ice-cream sandwich! My day will not be complete without one! But one of my horrifying thoughts is that they won't be at the little store on campus....this has happened to me before....it was a very sad day indeed....let us hope that for my sake I will find them safe and sound in their cold beds....and at least one of them waiting for me to release it from its packaging and show the outside world to it! oh the joy that will abound in my soul! ok...so i get carried away. yes i know its just icecream...well gotta go get one now...you didn't think i would just write about one and not get one did you?? ;)

Word to the Wise: Don't click on my archive links...they don't work. They take you to another person's site but it has my blogs on it...strange. anyone know how to fix that??

well i can't believe that the first thing i will post on here is the fact that i dislike my biology class right now. well i should say i disliked my professor. who in their right mind would want to listen to a man tell me about the reproductive system...and then be tested on it?! i didn't. thus the reason for my apathy. thus the reason for my C on the test i took today. which means i have to re-study the material and re-take the test! ugh. life sometimes is just unfair. that and i hate it when you blank out in the middle of tests!!!