Autumn and Winter create boyfriend weather

Why does it feel like everywhere I look there is a new 'couple' springing up? Does the cold weather turn on people's relationship-radar so that they must find a boy/girlfriend by the end of the year? It just seems like there are many people 'in-love' right now....but that also could be heightened by the fact that love is so desperately looked for everywhere and needed by everyone, or it could just be that love is being talked/sung about on the radio in almost every song!

"Some turkey and some mistletoe, can help to make the season bright..."
"I have one wish on this Christmas Eve, I wish I were with you..."
"When we've finally kissed goodnight, how I'll hate going out in the storm, but if you really hold me tight, all the way home I'll be warm!"
"It's that time of year, when the world falls in love, every song you hear, seems to say..."

Thank goodness there are actual Christ-centered Christmas songs that can keep me in check! It's nice to think about Jesus' love for me instead of my lack of boyfriend-ness. Yes, it does creep up on me at times, especially if I'm in the car, after a long day at work, and I've got lovey-dovey music blaring in my ear on my way home!! ;) Except for 'Here comes Santa Claus', 'Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer', 'Grandma got runover by a reindeer', 'Dominick the Christmas donkey', and any variations of those, I love Christmas music! Especially the message that is told through them! This is the only time you will hear so many radio stations praising Jesus Christ! :) It's wonderful!

"Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices! O Night devine, O Night when Christ was born!"
"Joy the world, the Lord is come, Let earth receive her King!"
"Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel born is the King of Israel!"
"Rejoice, Rejoice, Emmanuel, shall come to thee O Israel!"
"God inparts to human hearts, the blessings of His hand, O here they hear His calling, but in this world of sin, the weaks souls will receive Him still, the near Christ enters in"

Christmas Vacation turning into HLE work-ation

Well today would be my forth day of work in a row...five more to go and I get a day off. That would be NINE days of working in a row....is there a law against that? Not many people do that, except for work-a-holics! And thankfully, I'm not one of those...I just am a part-time/seasonal worker who has to work nine days in a row because her boss said so and decided to exploit the fact that I'm available. It's not like I have anything else to do...right! ha! whatever!

The only nice thing is that I have a paycheck that will be coming to me next week . But knowing that my Christmas break was spent mostly at the Holy Land Experience and not with my family is really annoying. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I work with (well most--some of them are just plain strange), but I don't really want to spend Christmas with them!

So off I go BACK to the HLE for another 7 hour day...walking around doing nothing. All of this just for money....it makes you do the strangest things....

Christmas Season

This parol is made out of capiz shells, beautiful isn't it!

So, I made it back to Tally safely....even though I have to say that there are people out there who SHOULD NOT be allowed to drive. They just do not understand the reason for breaks and slowing down before you break. oh well...what can you do? Now I am procrastinating again...and should probably start my speeches...so I better go do that...sad.

Christmas Season

It's Christmas time and it is hard to focus on school as my mind is remembering how colorful this season is in the Philippines. These lanterns are proudly hung everywhere and on homes, some light up and others are made out of paper. They symbolize the star that led the 3 Kings to Jesus, reminding us of the true reason to celebrate this time of year. :)

Freedom

God I have taken the burden once again,
Placed it on my back and tried to stand.
But I'm falling, tripping, and panicking under the load.
This heavy load that tries to crush my spirit,
Tries to blind my eyes so I will loose my way and look away from You.
Where are You in the midst of my stupidity?
Are You calling for me or walking from me?

God I want to take it off,
Lord I want to give it up to You.
But I am so weak,
Unable to lift if from my shoulders.

Will You once again take this burden off my back?
Will You once again forgive my sin?
Will you once again carry me in Your arms,
Protect me and love me through Your grace?
Will You help me?


Carrie, My precious child.
I am Elohim, the Stong, Faithful, and Only True God.
Why do you doubt My promises?
I am El-Roi, the God who sees and understands.
I see you and know your struggling.
I will not leave nor forsake you,
For you are Mine.

I gave everything for you--I gave up My Son for you.
I forgave your sin and wiped you clean!
You need not fear or struggle with your flesh--I have conquered it!
You are free!

I am Jehovah-Rohi, the Lord your Shepherd.
I will take your burden.
I will carry you.
I have forgiven you.
You are my daughter,
Forever.

Guitar talent needed

I love acoustic worship music! I want to learn to play...so I can worship through song and instrument.

Third Day Cowboy and Tina the Llama

Thank you sooo much Brigitte for letting me go to the Third Day concert tonight! It was amazing! I am in love with them now and want the cowboy base guitarist guy to sign my arm. He totally rocked the concert. He would randomly walk around while he played poking people and dancing...it was great! He made me smile because is was so odd, and they are the people who make life interesting and definitely more fun. :)

Toby Mac was supposed to be there, but his wife went into labor. I was disappointed, but hey, what can ya do? You have a son on the way! :) Congrats TMac! Anyways...apparently he still wants to perform for Tally, so they are going to give us free tickets to his concert! I am so pumped about this! I would love to see him rap live! "So if you're wonderin' why I continue to try my, skills at this rap game, girl, I can't get enough..." True.

There was a new band that opened for them called Day of Fire, they were pretty good...a little too rocky at times for me, but a great band. The lead singer liked dancing with his fist, so Kyle and I actually created a dance after his moves!! It was sweet. Someday it will be shown to the world.

That reminds me...Napoleon Dynamite has to be one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. The quotes are amazing, it contains a pet llama, and has sweet dance moves. So in honor of this epic film I will have to post a few quotes:

Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
K: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
N: What?
K: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

N: [drinks glass of milk] The defect in this one is bleach.
FFA Judge No. 1: That's right.
N: Yessssssssss.
N: [drinks second glass of milk] This one tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
FFA Judge No. 2: Correct.
N: Yessssssssss.

N: I see you're drinking 1% milk. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could probably be drinking whole milk.

Uncle Rico : So how are things going with you and your girlfriend?
Kip : Well, I think it's getting pretty serious. We chat online for like two hours a day so yeah, you could say it's getting pretty serious.

N: Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!

Don: Vote for Summer.
N: Yeah, right, I'm not voting for her.
D: Then who you gonna vote for?
N: I'm voting for Pedro Sanchez, who do you think? [Don scoffs and walks away]
N: Hey, Don. Can I have one of those buttons? [Don hands Napoleon a "Vote 4 Summer" button] [Napoleon tosses it across the hall, stares at Don, and runs away]

Sweet.

Missing Internet but perfecting salsa

I think it is a bit ridiculous that I have not had Internet service for many weeks out of this semester. People either have viruses that eat up the system, or Sprint gives us a faulty router. Yay. It just adds to the already stressful semester. Thankfully there is the library on campus that always has internet--very reliable--and so I sit here in the Education library writing a blog that has been past over due. Sadly all the great blogging moments have passed and if I had had the Internet at those points in time, my blog would have contained more colorful stories and escapades from the life of Carrie. I try to recount them now as I continue to procrastinate finding an article to write about for TSL3130.

-So Zandy and I continue to be salsa fiends, who spontaneously make salsa masterpieces late at night, while scarfing down every last drop of homemade salsa with our beloved tortilla chips. Homemade salsa you gasp? Why yes! I can make two different kinds, thanks to my twin. Zandy has forever changed the taste buds that I have associated with salsa....no mere canned salsa will do anymore. It must taste fresh! It must have a bite, and make you smile! It is surprising to see what ease we have, when we create this wonderful concoction. We do not have a kitchen or a sink. We use a mini-chopper, plate, knife, and sometimes the bathroom sink. Yes, it is possible to create something so good in a sorority house. What are the ingredients to this famous salsa? Sorry, it is top secret; no matter how you plead and threaten it will remain so. But, do not fret, I can make it for you and you can taste the delights. :)

So one night during the peak hours when salsa cravings take hold we started the process of making it when behold...we did not know where we had placed our ingredients! They were not in my fridge; they were not in Zandy's fridge. Where could they be? We searched high and low, and decided after many anguished moments that someone must have thrown out our beloved Publix bag away or that the house mom had put it in the kitchen. So we sadly walked the corridor to "mom's room" and asked the question. But she had not seen the bag at all. It was then that I remembered taking the bag into the TV room the night before. We searched that room and found it, sadly, among the furniture. Thankfully it was the ingredients that did not have to be refrigerated. It was the funniest thing to me that we had lost tomatoes in a sorority house! Needless to say, we continued to make the salsa that night, cherishing even more the taste of fresh tomatoes--remembering our long search for them!

love the darkness and hate The Light

God,
I'm heartbroken by what I saw and heard in my education class today--the anger, malice, and hatred of things that are moral, honest, and good. It was hard to be in a large group that all agreed that striving for purity was stupid and parents who wanted to guard their children from the world should send them to private schools or home school. It brought tears to my eyes to think about the degree of hatred I saw in those faces against the things of You--things I treasure and love. I wanted to tell them all how blind they are, but I think You just wanted me to listen...and I did, and could not believe how lost I was and they still are. Blindly holding on to things they think are important and ignoring the voice inside that make them wonder if life is worth something more.

It is hard to see them love and embrace the darkness they are in. I heard them degrade parents who do not let their children read books for moral reasons. They clapped and cheered when someone said they support the separation of church and state because Jesus offends them. One girl raised her hand to explain how she gave a speech in high school that defended pornography, and went on to say that there was nothing wrong with it. Another student said his reason for not teaching or studying the Bible was because he felt that no matter how intelligent someone was, they could still become influenced by it...like people who are weak and uneducated are the only ones who read and need Your Word.

God, how can You see this and not turn Your face away? Are You not angry? You are so righteous and holy not worthy of the ridicule You receive. How much pain do You receive everyday? I mean this was one class--30 people--how can You stand a whole world against You? How can You love us that much?

Jesus, to be mocked, jeered, hated, and then to carry all the sin of the world and feel the emptiness when God turned His face away from You--what kind of love is this? It is beyond comprehension. Thank You. Grace, that covers all my sin, that brings me out of the dark and cleans me and puts me in the Light. Thank you for this reminder of how weak I am and how much I do need Your grace every moment. Father do not let me forget what You saved me from and how weak I am without You.

God, bring light into that class and those individual lives. Touch them and show them truth. Use me if you want to, let Your light shine through my broken life. Be my strength and my all, let my pride fall and my spirit submit to You completely. Use me, mold me, I give my life to You my Lord and King because without You, I am nothing.

"If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, 'A slave is not greater than his master.' If they persecute Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know the One who sent Me." -John 16:18-21

"For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man...therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever." -Romans 1:21-25

"When they came to the place called The Skull, there they crucified Him and the criminals, one on the right and the other on the left. But Jesus was saying, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing."...And the people stood by, looking on. And even the rulers were sneering at Him...the soldiers mocked Him." -Luke 23: 33-36

To change majors or not to change, that is the question!

Pros and Cons for changing majors

English Education:

Pros:
-Influence classmates for Christ
-Wiggs believes in me (Dee Dee)
-Rise to the challenge and finish the major
-Have job opportunites
-Intern in an Orlando high school

Cons:
-LOTS of homework
-Student teaching during free time
-Lesson plans and more lesson plans
-No time to do anything other than education
-Do I have a heart for high school students?


English major/Religion minor

Pros:
-Learn about other religions
-Increased heart for the nations
-Read books I love
-Learn Spanish (again)
-More time with my Phi Mu sisters
-More involved in Crusade

Cons:
-Essays
-Am I employable?

Withdrawl

On account of a virus in our house network, I have been going through a long period of internet withdrawal. But thankfully, I have it back because of a little thing called anti-virus software. Yay for Norton. :) There have been so many opportunities to blog this past month, but my ability to write was crippled by mounds of homework and lack of internet. :( So I shall try to recollect the things that were interesting and give an account of them.

First of all, my major will be changing. How does this make me feel? Ecstatic! No more lesson planning, tutoring HS students in weird schools, learning how to deal with ELLs and students with disabilities in my classroom...because I won't have a classroom! No more reading about curriculum and assessment techniques! Instead I will be learning about literature and religions of the world. I will enjoy reading for class and will increase my heart for the nations of the world. Thank goodness God gave me the ability to choose and I have chosen...NOT to do Education anymore. :)

The only disappointment in changing majors is that I will be leaving an awesome bunch of students. I love my classmates in my current major, they are going to become the best secondary English teachers and I would not mind having my future children in their classroom. Their passion for literature and drive to challenge and influence kids will take them through the major and shape them into great teachers. I will also miss my interactions with my professor, Wiggly, he gave me one of the most unique nicknames I have received thus far in my life, Dee Dee, it has no connection whatsoever with my real name. He also made this semester bearable and for that I am grateful! Dee Dee thanks you!

More later...

Florida is going to sink

Thought this picture was appropriate for the recent weather activity that Florida is been through. Namely, Hurricane Charley, Frances, Ivan, and Jeanne. Who's next?

Mercy

All I once held dear, built my life upon. All this world reveres and wants to own. All I once thought gain, I have counted lost, spent and worthless now, compared to this. Knowing You, there is no greater thing. You're my all, you're the best. You're my joy, my righteousness. And I love You, Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more. To be found in You, and known as Yours. To possess by faith, what I could not earn, all surpassing gifts of righteousness. Knowing You, there is no greater thing. You're my all, you're the best. You're my joy, my righteousness. And I love You, Lord.

Oh to know the power of Your risen life, and soon know You in Your suffering. To become like You in Your death my Lord, so with You to live and never die! Knowing You, there is no greater thing. You're my all, you're the best. You're my joy, my righteousness. And I love You, Lord.

God has given me so much mercy lately. I have treated Him badly, put myself above Him, demanded things of Him, questioned His abilities, and refused to give up control. Yet, He still met with me, poured peace on my soul, refreshed my spirit, and humbled me. He has removed my dead heart and given me a new one. All praise be to Him who did not give up on me or leave me to my way. I have not felt this alive in a long time. He is here with me, and does not disappoint. He provides and gives me strength just when I need it the most. Even though I dislike my major, am tired of doing homework all the time, wish I could skip the next two years of college and get on with life, complain, and act like a stubborn spoiled child, He still loves me and listens to my prayers. He still calls me to Himself and desires for me to know Him intimately.

My faith has been hanging on by a thread lately, and my hope was draining from my soul. I could not see God anywhere, I did not know what to do, I was continually questioning Him and asking Him to open my eyes to what I had put in front of Him. But I never took time to listen to Him, I accused, questioned, doubted, but never listened. Then I came to a desperate place, where I had no choice but to listen to Him and give up the fight. I cried out and He heard me, He held me and took me to a place of refuge, a pasture of rest. Now I see Him, I see what I put in front of Him, now I long to worship and be with Him.

"He saved us not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life." -Titus 3:5-7

"...and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls." -1 Peter 2:24-25

"...but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly...but God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans 5:3-8

United Nations Day

I was listening to random music on my computer and the song, "Let there Be Peace on Earth," started to play. Usually this song makes me laugh at how UN-ish (United Nations) it sounds…but today it caused me to reflect. Going to school in the Philippines was fun; we had so many all-school events/festivals like UN Day. That was the celebration I immediately thought about when the song came on. During UN Day, the whole school would celebrate all the different countries students were from. In my class we had people from the Middle East, Korea, Japan, Italy, the Philippines (of course) and the US.

During the festival, people would bring in food from the specific country they were from and everyone would have a feast! The Americans would bring Chili and brownies every year, I remember being so proud of my mom’s chili because it tasted so good! She and a few other moms would wear blue jeans and white shirts with red bandanas. Red, White, and Blue. I remember feeling so proud to be an American, but also very proud to LOVE Asian food. Janna and I would get Filipino, Japanese, Indian, and Korean food each year! It was a blast going to each booth and eating the food, learning about the country and just enjoying the different ethnicities represented. Even when I was in elementary school and 6th and 7th grade, I thought it was cool that so many countries were found on Brent School’s campus.

Another common part of UN Day, were the plays that every class would have to perform for the parents. Usually these plays were about peace and countries coming together and cooperating. They were all usually pathetic, but it was just another reason to perform for our parents and for our class to work together as a group. The reason all of these memories flooded my mind was because each year we would sing "Let There Be Peace on Earth"…so now seven, eight years later, I am missing UN Day and the community I felt at Brent International.

Sometimes it seems like the U.S. doesn’t acknowledge other countries like the rest of the world. The closest they get is Black History Month. But in some ways it feels like the only reason they celebrate is because the States feels bad for the horrible slavery that happened in this country. From an early age, the schools and just the culture pump their kids with thoughts of "The U.S is the best country in the world." "America can beat any country in war." "You are privileged to grow up and live in the States." "The rest of the world wishes they could be like America." Maybe those are exaggerations, but I felt and saw those thoughts when I moved here. Yes, America is blessed. Yes, Americans can travel anywhere without much of a problem (except for maybe France and the Middle East). And both those things are good, but where is the gratefulness? The humble thanksgiving for the blessing? I don’t know. I have to say that there are days where I am thankful to be an American. But more often I am glad I was born somewhere else and have an appreciation for other countries. I am glad I was given the ability, through my years overseas, to take a step back and look at America and see it from the outside in.

Charlie

Hurricane Charlie~

It actually hit us in Orlando...the first time the weather people were actually right about the direction of a hurricane in our area. There was a bad case of 'crying wolf' for a couple years now. The news would get everyone flustered over a hurricane that 'was about to hit' that never did. But Charlie did...and he hit my home.

If anyone were to drive by my house they would find quite a few things missing. One-we don't have our huge oak tree in the front yard anymore. Yeah, that fell into our neighbor's yard (thankfully missing our house and theirs!). It is now currently cut up and heaped on our lawn. Two-the fence surrounding our property is now flat. That is also currently cut up and heaped on our lawn adding to the pile. Three-there are shingles missing from our roof. Mom said it sounded like people were on our roof as they were being ripped off during the storm. This is the scariest thing I think...our roof could have blown off! But it is a blessing in disguise because we needed to re-shingle our roof anyway! :)

Anyway....it was hard for me to be in Tallahassee and not with my family as all of this was going on. They called me while inside my sister's closet during the storm. My brother was telling me that our tree was falling and that shingles were being ripped from our house. Very calmly I might add...which was brave, I would have been freaking out and probably yelling at him to get inside the closet! School was cancelled for them today and tomorrow, since their schools are also cleaning up messes left by this hurricane. What an ordeal...it's going to be weird to come home now to a house without a tree. That tree was even the home of a very nice squirrel. It had claimed that tree and was even storing nuts for the winter at the base of it. :( I'm sad that it's home was blown away. Hopefully it will relocate to a better tree--one that can withstand hurricane force winds. I just re-read that part and it made me laugh out loud...here in my room. Brigitte says that was the most pathetic thing she's ever heard! ha, it's fun being quirky!

Ohio Trip

Well I'm back in O-town and it definitely is lacking on a lot of levels. I miss Mandy and Mikey already and am glad I got a chance to see them for a mini-reunion. My flight back was better than going to Ohio and I discovered that the music channels on airplanes have gotten so much better! I basically listened to music the whole way back--country, pop, rock, Top 40...oh yes much improved since the last time I flew. Ted Airlines--you rock! (They even serve Starbucks coffee on board, they obviously know quality when they see it.)

Mikey--it was so fun to hang with you and laugh practically all day long. You are awesome! Wurtle! Yes, that is a word, and a candy. ;) I taught Mikey the Disney 3-fingered smile, and basically I could not stop laughing every time he did it. He was smiling so big that his left eye was closing! hahaha!

Curious on what this smile looks like? Well all you have to do is hold out three fingers and put them vertically in your mouth and then smile so that when you take away your fingers your smile is the same size as when they were in your mouth. Yes, it's a HUGE smile, but hey, it's Disney!! They are VERY happy. So do that and then look at yourself in the mirror, I guarantee you will giggle! Try it on your friends; they will fall out of their chairs laughing--especially at 11:00 at night. Mikey and I were in the midst of a game of Outburst, when we started doing 3-fingered smiles at each other...that's when I lost it and we both were basically useless for our team-mates!

Did you know that in Ohio they have these light, lantern things that kill bugs? It's so awesome! These lanterns give off a blue-ish light that attracts moths, mosquitoes, flys...bugs in general and when they fly into it...it electrocutes them and makes this zzzzeeeiiiitt pop noise. How great is that? Florida NEEDS these things! It would be so awesome to sit in your porch and know that every time you hear a "snap" a bug has died. hehehe....oh yes, I want one sooo badly. Bye Bye love-bugs! wahahaha!

I discovered that Florida State is also lacking in beauty--Ohio University has to be one of the prettiest campuses I've seen. If you click my link to OU's webpage you can see pictures of OU (refresh the main page to get new pics of their campus) It is set among beautiful hills--covered with trees that will change in the Fall, every building is brick, the grounds are covered in tall green trees, and the buildings are all unique. OU has a rock climbing wall inside their fitness center, and even has a lake and hiking trails ten minutes away from the campus. It made me want to transfer and be educated in such a gorgeous place. It was great to get away and see mountains, lakes, feel cool weather--too bad it was only six days! But who knows, maybe I'll live in a place like that!! (hint hint God) ;)

Inspiration on the OU campus

I am writing this blog from an apartment complex that is on Ohio University campus--what a beautiful place! So many hills covered in trees that would be gorgeous during the autumn months, I am so jealous! The campus buildings themselves are pretty too, all red brick and old looking. It makes you want to take a book and just read under a tree!

Man, I have loved my vacation trip so far! :)

Piqua, Ohio is the cutest town it has so much charm. For instance, it has an old-fashioned fire station--like the kind you see on movies or in the musical The Music Man. The houses are so spread out and the corn fields are plentiful. Wide open spaces. Makes me feel like I'm in the heart of America! I forgot how many things I miss living in Florida like hummingbirds. They are so cute to watch. Another thing is potted plants. Flowers shrivel up and die in the heat, but here they flourish and give the town vibrant color! I wanted to buy one and take it home with me as my friend, but I decided against it considering I'd have to carry it on the plane with me!! Hills are a plus--Florida is flat and probably sinking, so any type of landscape is actually nice to look at for a change! The green trees and 'real' grass is awesome as well. Palm trees are alright, but Evergreen and Maple are pretty all the time...and St. Augustine grass is just stupid. Soft grass is the way to go! One HUGE thing that I miss while living in Florida is temperate weather. This whole week we've had 70-80 degree weather (perfect) and I've experienced the sensation of cold at night. Wow, feeling cold in July--what a concept!!

I have been pampered to the max--Mandy you rock my world! She has gone above and beyond to make my stay here in Ohio awesome. I have eaten at The Spot--had a piece of their famous pie, eaten Ohio corn on the cob, had a manicure, pedicure, facial, and hair cut for free!! Her mom rocks my world as well--she is the beautician who gave us a spa day for free! Yes, I did say I got a hair cut and man is it short!! No more growing out my hair--I knew I would get tired of it. Well now folks, it doesn't even touch my shoulders!! It is what you would call a layered bob! What inspired me to chop my hair you might ask?? Well Mandy's friend Katie had this hair cut and that's all it took! One look and my goal of growing my hair long went out the window!! haha! Mandy has shown me her wedding dress--which is gorgeous, took me to a huge inside/outside mall in Easton, Ohio. That was crazy, it had very expensive stores. Let's just say that in Forever 21, they had real live models in their store windows. Like the girls would pose in the store's clothes and then change positions every five minutes. It was insane! The town reminded me of a mixture of Winter Park, Florida and the Millennia Mall. Well that's all I have time for today...more later!

And the winner is...

So a critical event has happened in my life recently concerning the "Sam and Carrie Bowling War."

Yours truly has FINALLY beat his "high" score of 229 and replaced it with the true champion score of 237. The exclamation that went along with that score was "WOW!" how's that for a great word? But I must say that Mrs. Kruger's cheers and encouragement really helped me finally beat Sam and win over the phone to the Carrie side. :) Sam has already responded to my announcement with a poem that I think is quite hilarious and worth 'publishing.' so Sam in honor of you I put your poem on my blog, if you want me to take it off, please let me know, but I think it really captures the heart of our battle! ;)

9 pins ~ by Sam african
Tall and white you stood, mocking me with your very purity,
Labour and cursing is in vain, upright and fixed you remain.
one hundred times or never have i tried,
but something's wrong - this silly phone, tis fried...!
Memories of sweet victory haunt,
I fear this new champion will undoubtably taunt.
Miles away, there is naught for me to say,
But congrats, you're a star, but one day,
Sam shall make you pay !

Spidy

Beth and I saw Spiderman 2 tonight...man what an awesome movie! I loved it! And like the first one, it made me want to swing in between buildings, fly through the air, and climb up walls! I love the soundtrack to the movie too. Definitely an A+ in my books!

It was actually quite an experience seeing this movie. Beth had to work tonight, so she came late to the movie, but that's not what was interesting. When I went into the movie theatre it was pretty full...full of couples! It was like everyone had the same idea to go see Spiderman together. How sweet. Well the couple that sat next to me actually was nice and tolerable to be next to, but the one in front of me was sick. They only looked at each other for like twenty minutes and kept moving closer and closer, even though they had two chairs...they should have just shared one that way someone else could have sat down--but then again it wouldn't have been fun for that person. There were also these kids behind me--two african american boys who commented through the whole thing! It was quite funny! They would gasp and say "oh no!" at the right moments. It sounded like those pre-recorded laughter tracks that are on sitcoms! They were cute to listen to!

It definitely is worth seeing, so hurry into a theatre nearest you and buy your ticket to see one of the summer's best movies! Spiderman 2!

Who is teaching whom?

Well Beth and I started our summer Bible study, and so far it seems like we're learning more from God than they are from us! Both Beth and I are in a place where we are needing to trust in the truths of God and not focus on the lack of feeling in our hearts. It is so easy to sit back and pout that God isn't here, or that we can't feel Him moving in our lives anymore--instead of pursuing Him and crying out to Him in the midst of the desert place we are in. But God has graciously been showing up in my life this past week in His still small voice. He had to pull my eyes up to see how He has been here with me guiding me just as He promised.

The other night Beth and I were at Starbucks planning the study for that week and I just stopped and couldn't go on anymore. I told her I couldn't teach something I didn't believe myself! She said she felt the same way. So we had an awesome time sharing with each other where we were spiritually at that point and what we were struggling with...then God showed up and started to open our hearts and eyes to what He was using this time in our lives for. He started to teach us through His Word and through each other. He was the Bible study leader and we were His disciples. It was the coolest experience! We were so excited and couldn't wait to tell our girls about what had happened.

So Saturday arrived (the day of our second meeting)and no one showed up to our Bible study. It was so depressing and discouraging. Beth and I didn't know what to think, we were so full of questions. God, why did you show us so much and not let us teach it? Why didn't anyone show up? Did we do something wrong? Are we supposed to lead a Bible study this summer? What happened? So we rescheduled for Tuesday and today five girls came and listened to what we had to say. I hope that somewhere in the talk one girl was reached and touched by God.

Thinking back now on this past week...it really does seem like I benefited more than the girls did. Beth and I had a personal Bible study with God and He led us through His Word...He spoke to us again at Monday night's meeting and then...He met me at work as I cried out to Him in my frustration. It's sort of ironic that in my mind I'm the one supposed to be teaching the girls about God and seeing them grow....and this week I experienced that more than they did! But teachers learn just as much as students do...and man, this week I learned that really quick!

Bf from the past

Today I finally got a chance to talk with my former boyfriend. It was a great conversation and brought back many memories from last summer when we were together. I had a lot of fun with him and am glad we dated, even if it was a short while. It taught me a lot of things and gave me a guy friend who I can talk to who will listen and care about what I have to say. The best thing about him, besides his adorable smile and laugh, is his thoughtfulness. I never knew that would be an important quality I would want in a guy until I dated him. He knew how to cheer me up, listened to me complain about stuff, and even helped me let go of a lot of emotional baggage I had. I don't even know if he knew he was helping me that much! Even a year later he remembered all the dating mishaps that I've been through with other guys! I'm hoping we'll get a chance to really catch up maybe over coffee or Chai tea...like we used to drink together. He wants to leave Florida, since he's graduated from the D.A.V.E school, and hopefully work for a company that animates computer games. I know his dream would be to live in New Zealand and work there....maybe someday I'll get a postcard from him telling me he's finally reached his goal! Who knows maybe I'll go visit him and then I'll finally have a reason to go out to New Zealand and Australia--thus accomplishing my dream as well!

Sing to me Franky!

The romantic mood has swept me off my feet and asked me to dance! Here I am listening to the greatest love songs—singing along, wishing I could ballroom dance. Autumn Leaves, Moon River, As Time Goes By, The Way You Look Tonight, Unforgettable, You Brought a New Kind of Love to Me, Love Is Here to Stay...all these songs set the mood! Frank Sinatra is singing to me while I sway back and forth typing this entry. Maybe I’ll meet some people in Tally this up-coming year that will teach me how to ballroom dance or will just dance with me!

My freshman year I went Swing dancing a few Fridays…and even Valentine’s Day! I learned how to follow—I had some awesome guys helping me with that part! :) I also learned the Lindie and triple-step. But ballroom dancing is elegant and looks so fun! Someday...maybe I’ll force my husband to learn with me...or maybe he’ll teach me! How’s that for the romantic in me! ;) Dancing used to be classy and if you knew how to do it right gorgeous to watch! Just rent some Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers movies or any oldie for that matter. People used to be talented when they danced. Nowadays all you have to know how to do is bend your knees and bob your head and torso to the beat of rap music. No actual steps involved, or spins…just convulsing your body...and I won’t even discuss the nasty booty dancing that practically makes you sick if you see it.

I love music so much! Which reminds me, my friend borrowed quite a few of my CDs and she’s left the country, but I don’t have them back! I’m feeling slightly empty without them in my life! Is that sad? I love music, so not being able to play my CDs on my way to work has been a little tough. Good thing my computer has music or I’d go insane! That’s another thing that’s strange, what happened to that vintage sounding voice? The Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole sound? The only guy that is close to them is Harry Connick Jr. And possibly some broadway voices I’ve heard on soundtracks. Love songs aren’t the same without that voice.

Of course if I really wanted to go off I would start with the love songs of today...ok I think I will...they are pathetic. If it doesn’t talk about sleeping together, it’s talking about how hot a woman/man looks and how they are going to convince them to sleep together. Oh yeah, that’s definitely sometime I’ll want to listen to a lot. Whatever. It’s all self-focused. That’s the difference. Frank sings about his feelings and how the little things she does makes him smile, he compliments her, tells her things a girl would want to hear. He even uses adjectives and metaphors for his feelings. Love songs of today have a limited vocabulary…usually involving the words: hot, sexy, all the words for the behind, turn me on...etc. All of which suggest that anyone who is interested in each other should immediately sleep together and then get to know each other. Because a great relationship always starts that way. Yeah right. And I know that Frankie is not perfect,all I mean is that innocence and purity used to be valued in love songs. But obviously that is not true anymore. Alright I’ve stepped off my platform now.

I think I’ll end with lyrics from a song that I love--
“Someday when I’m awfully low, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight. Yes you’re lovely, with your smile so warm, and your cheek so soft, there is nothing for me but to love you, and the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows, tearing my fear apart. And that laugh that wrinkles your nose, touches my foolish heart. Lovely, never ever change, keep that breathless charm! Won’t you please arrange it? Because I love you, just the way you look tonight.”

Goodbye Mr. President

"We must delight in each other; make others' conditions our own; rejoice together, mourn together, labor and suffer together, always having before our eyes our commission and community in the work, as members of the same body...For we must consider that we shall be as a city upon a hill. The eyes of all people are upon us." -from a 1630 sermon by John Winthrop read at President Reagan's funeral.

Well done good and faithful servant

Today there were two funerals. One was splashed on the television and one was in a church. One was expected and one was not. One was for the former President Ronald Reagan. The other was for Bill Beauvais, a strong man of God who served Him faithfully and humbly spurring others on in Christ--setting a great example to live by.

These two funerals affected me in a number of ways.

President Reagan's funeral reminded me of the time in America when we respected our leaders and had hope in the future. When the people here actually cared for one another. It brought this country momentarily together to remember and respect a great leader who changed the world. To see past presidents and prime ministers who were involved in his life sitting in the same room all doing the same thing was powerful. To hear four important people--former Canadian Prime Minister, former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, former Pres. George Bush, and current President George W. Bush all speak about former Pres. Ronald Reagan was amazing. They all commented on his humor and peaceful demeanor in stressful situations. The two President Bush's both commented on his strong faith and his desire for America to be a city on a hill. Reagan was grounded in his faith, especially after the attempt on his life. He knew that God had a greater purpose for him that even he realized.

Mr. Beauvais' funeral caused me to reflect on how one man's faith can change a multitude of people. He was a missionary in Africa and raised a family there helping people understand the love of Christ. He moved to the States and continued to minister to people. During the funeral some men in my church and leaders within Campus Crusade spoke about his integrity, quite, humble spirit who understood the importance of team work and bringing glory to God and not yourself. What an awesome witness! It reminded me that the point of living isn't about me...It's about God. I was created to glorify Him, to grow to be more like Him and see Him use my life to further His kingdom.

Two men both serving God in very different ways, both humble, and willing to do what God asked.

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand."
-Psalm 37: 23-24

"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many of you were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." -1 Corinthians 2:26-27

List of Firsts continues...

Well I can add a few more things to my list of firsts for the year:

-Eating fried pickles with Amanda at Po'Boys! Yes you read right...FRIED pickles. They were surprisingly delicious!

-Watching the Stanley Cup Final game between the Tampa Bay Lightning and Calgary Flames. Yay for Florida! Who would have thought a Florida team would be a Canadian one! Who has more ice?? hmmmm. ;)

-Looking at model homes in Avalon. These homes are insane! Laura and I went together today and it was so fun to pretend we had money and imagine that these houses we went into were our own. Ha! The one both of us liked was not even offered anymore, and was a 2001 Parade of Homes winner. So gorgeous and huge--but not too big. It probably was the most expensive too, but we didn't want to get a price sheet--we would probably have collapsed at the price of even the 'cheapest' home! We commented on the decorating, size of the kitchen, bedrooms, living rooms. It was great :)

* It's time for a little update on my bowling war with Sam...hehehe. So far the scores I've been getting haven't even broken 200. That is depressing. But hey, it takes time...and maybe one of these days it will just happen and I'll get six strikes and wipe out his score of a 229--that he seems to remind me of daily! ;) Just wait Sam....one of these days you will get the sinking feeling of defeat!!

Joy

Joy Williams

Meeting with my Creator

God met with me the morning after I wrote that last entry on my way to work. I was broken, He made me whole. I was crying, He dried my tears. He gave me a wonderful day and put a smile on my face. I have peace, joy, and am more in love with my Father. He always picks His children up when they fall and stumble. Thank You Father for carrying me and holding me close. You are with me, have saved me, and have taken great delight in me! You have quieted me with Your love and have returned my heart to gladness. (parts of Zeph. 3:17)

The song, Wish, by Joy Williams, is amazing. It was my cry to God on my way to work yesterday. I must have listened to it about three times...it would have been so awesome to see Jesus face to face and see His unending love for the people around Him...anyways...I wanted to put the words up and a picture of her. I have a link to her website under "Raindrops." On that website it has a small sound clip of this song. I recommend the CD, it is one of my favorites.

Wish
Words and Music by Rob Graves, Jason McArthur and Joy Williams

For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
To see Your first step, hear Your very first word
Tell me, did You ever fall and scrape Your knee?
Did You know Your wounds would one day heal the world?

For just one moment
I wish I could have seen You growing
Learning the way of a carpenter’s son
Just a little boy gazing at the stars
Did You remember creating every one?

If You passed by, would I have seen a child or a King?
Or would I have known?

CHORUS
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face

For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
When You left Your footprints upon the waves
To walk along beside You, never look away
Just Your whisper and the wind and sea obey

To see You feed the people
To feel the healing in Your touch

CHORUS
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face

To hear You pray in the garden alone
Laying down Your will with each tear
To see You walk that lonely road
Willing to die for me

And in that moment
I know I should have been there
You took my cross and gave Your life

But You live again!
I wish I could have been there
I wish I could have seen You rise again
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
Someday I’ll be there, I’m gonna be there
I’ll see Your face, Your mercy and grace
Someday, someday
Someday I’ll see You, my Jesus
Face to face

© 2002 Logansong Music / BMI / WonderWhyMusic.com / ASCAP / New Spring Publishing, Inc. (a division of Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.) / ASCAP. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Digging deeper

My heart is heavy and emotions are running free tonight as I write this blog. They will be speaking so that my mind can make sense of this mess I've created in myself. Change is happening and will be happening very soon in my life and every day that passes I realize how much I hate it. The people who I have spent most of my seven years here in the States are leaving my life...and its sucks...really badly. I took them for granted and now am getting hit with the fact that I won't have them around to cheer me up or have the stability of knowing that I will see them when I come home. That scares me sooo bad it hurts. It never feels great being left behind...with all the spots around town that are full of memories and little parts of my life. I probably have put way too much of myself into my friendships and now am reaping the consequences of that; but I never would have experienced the awesome times if I hadn't.

How do I deal with this deep ache inside me? Does anyone else feel it? See it? Fear it? Does change bring a shudder to their soul? Where is my faith in all of this? Why am I so defeated by this that even my faith in God leading me into the unknown makes me feel like my life is ending? I never saw myself as someone who gets rocked so hard when change enters their life. This fear of it has only come about once I started college. The break from high school to college was hard for me. And I guess because things that I knew were stable in my life then are coming undone now, so it brings all the emotion back. I'm sure if I dug deep enough I would find that ultimately I do not believe one of God's promises.

I fear digging that deep. I am afraid that if I do that, grieving for something I lost, I might really struggle to get back up. Which is so weird for me to think about...carrie being slightly depressed?? Maybe a year of being by myself has not been as good as I thought. No, it has. I know this is something I need to let God work on in my life. I am just scared to take the next step...it's like once I do, that chapter in my life will finally be closed ending seven years of friendships. And then what? I have nothing after that...and in the deepest part of me I fear that God wants me to go to that place...and place of complete emptiness, that the only thing I have left in my life is Him. Forcing me to finally fully rely on Him. Do I really need to go that far? Is there another way? I search...but probably in vain.

Zellwood Corn Festival

The Zellwood Corn Festival. That is where I have been for the past 5 hours. 2 of those hours were spent on the road. It took us 1 hr & 15 mins to drive to the place...and then 45 mins to get home! ha! We beat the crowd that time! But man...what an experience. Who knew that Orlando would have a corn festival?! I would never have picked Orlando to be a place that grows corn, but the corn was actually pretty good! I also didn't think this festival would be as popular as it was, but there were about 7,000 people there! Chris Rice and Mark Lowry were there too! When my parents asked if I wanted to go, there were 4 things that went through my head.

1. Funnel Cake--need I say more? I mean who wouldn't want to pass up an opportunity to ingest six months worth of grease and sugar in one sitting?

2. People watching--my favorite sport! ;)

3. A great event to blog about! --yes it is sad when your mind starts seeing things through blog entrees...but I like to call it my "creative-writing side" taking over!

4. A way to see a 'free' concert by Chris Rice! --it was pretty basic, but hey, I saw him live, and that's all that matters! I enjoyed his concert quite a bit. :)

I did have funnel cake(objective #1), my sis and I shared a plate-full. It would disgust me if I were to think about what I ate...which is why I decide not to. But the real story was while I was in-line for the funnel cake. I had to have been in that line for sixteen days, it took forever...ok maybe 40 minutes. But seriously, who decided to put ONE worker back there to serve and make the funnel cakes & hotdogs?! Zellwood did!! So I stood in line for forty minutes. But within that time-span I did quite a bit of people watching (objective #2). First, there was the man behind me who kept making his two elementary-aged daughters stand in line for him while he "checked on something." Then by the time I was 5 people from the front he miraculously ended up IN FRONT of me?! How did this happen? I don't know...but it was definitely weird when I first noticed it. He even looked back at me and smiled like it was normal he was in front of me after waiting in line thirty minutes behind me.

But if he hadn't have done that then I would never have talked to the lady behind me. She was weird too, she kept overhearing people's conversations and either repeating everything she saw to her husband who had perfectly good eye sight or making her own comments like they could hear her. At one point she noticed the interaction between the guy who kept leaving his kids and his youngest daughter. I guess she was about to throw away her lemonade and her dad told her he wanted it. Well this lady comments to her husband, who, I might add, saw the whole thing, "He doesn't want her to throw away the lemonade, he seems to want it himself." Why she felt the need to say this, I do not know. While I was finally buying the five hotdogs for my family she says to me in a sweet high-pitched voice, "don't buy all the hotdogs! (laughter)" there were seriously like eighteen hotdogs on the grill...why would I buy that many?

What was even funnier was the guy behind the booth...he must have been a Zellwood local. He had quite the belly and decided to take a little smoking break, once I got to the front of the line, of course. Another interesting quirk of his was his way of checking to see if the hotdogs were done. He would take his tongs and rip off a piece of the hotdog and eat it. Yes right in front of us. He did that and then, satisfied with the temperature or whatever, started to serve me the five hotdogs! hahaha it was the funniest, most un-sanitary thing I have ever seen at a carnival! When he did it to the lady behind me she made another dumb comment..something like "I saw that! (laughter)" He just stared at her.

*Well there was so much more that happened, but I must end it here. Maybe I'll blog a part 2 later!* Meanwhile, enjoy these pictures of the Zellwood Corn Festival! The first one is a poster of the event, and the second one was actually on stage and yes, that is a husk of corn with legs.

Yes, that is a talking corn husk

Poster of the event...it was special to say the least...

What a fun job that is!

Husk of Corn that made an appearance on stage!

Crazy forecasts

Random facts my dad and I found on the internet:

-The hottest recorded temperature was 136°F in El Azizia, Libya (Africa) on September 13, 1922.

-The longest hot spell was in Marble Bar, W. Australia. It was 100°F for 162 consecutive days from Oct. 30, 1923 to Apr. 7, 1924.

-The coldest recorded temperature was -129°F in Vostok, Antarctica on July 21, 1983.

-The average temperature for the hottest month in Antarctica is -25.7°F.

-The hottest it has gotten in Iraq is 124°F. Today the high in Baghdad is expected to be 105°F!

* All I can say is that I am VERY thankful to be in 50-85°F degree weather most of the year!

Guys...don't understand them one bit

So my brother was just kidnapped by his Bible study...yeah. Kidnapped right out of his bed and thrown into a weird looking van. How do I know this? Because my room is directly next to his and I heard tons of banging, voices, random calls of "ouch." So I did what anyone in their right mind would have done, and checked outside my room to see if my brother was ok. Well what do I see? A video camera held by one of the leaders of SV, and two guys I guess duct taping my brother!? I don't think I will ever fully understand the male race...whatever. I just had to comment about this experience I just witnessed.

**Oh and by the way...there are 30 more Saturdays until Christmas.** :D

The call to travel

It's funny how the sun can wipe you out even after only four hours of work. I don't really feel like doing anything at the moment. If it was cooler outside I would sit and watch the world go by...maybe people-watch for a bit, which is one of my favorite things to do. It's fun to watch people talk,too, because everyone has a unique way of animating what they are telling someone. Some of my friends are very animated and use their hands while they talk, which can be dangerous to the person listening! ;) Others use their face, which can be hilarious.

But since the weather isn't exactly cool, I've done more thinking inside with the air-con. Reflecting on my life can have good and bad affects, I've noticed. I realize things that I am not doing, especially in the God area, and realize things that God has done in my life. But lately, it's been more of a wake-up call to myself about how poorly I've been spending time with my Father. I spend time with Him, but do not let myself go deeper...which is when my soul is refreshed. I guess I'm just scared of what He might tell me, which is ridiculous because He knows what's best. But again, the cycle continues and it becomes a heart issue, and my head may understand the truth, but my heart chooses to ignore it. I feel as if I've planned my future out a little too much, not giving God enough room to show me His will. My plan is probably really pathetic compared to His for my life! So why can't I just cling to Him?

Another thing I've noticed lately is that I have a HUGE desire to travel. Due in part to many people around me either traveling themselves or talking about other countries. Which is sooo cool to hear about and to try and picture in my head...and then it ends up increasing my desire to get out of the States. Not that I'm hating it here in the States, but there are just times when I feel suffocated, wondering when my turn will be. Part of it has to do with the fact that I haven't traveled in seven years.

Once I left for college, it felt like a separation from my childhood--which was in my mind felt like a huge break with my years in the Philippines. That scares me in a way because it is such a huge part of who I am. Then other times I think that there is no way I could loose all the things I gained living overseas...there are just too many little things in my life that I do because of my experiences. One of which is reflecting! haha, which is ironic when I think about it.

I learned to get away from the world and just sit and sort of breathe when I first moved here to cope with the culture-shock and life in general. This process continues to this day, even though the culture-shock has diminished (not totally gone, because I believe it won't ever go completely) and I am sorta understanding the life I have now. It helps me trust God more with my life--because it helps me realize that I have no control. It's that eternal perspective that I need so badly so cope with a world full of sin. Of course all of this could just be over-analyzing the situation...but what are blogs for than to just write out what you are thinking and get it out of your head!

Bowling Competition hitting rough patches

I just want to say that I really really really really really dislike the bowling game on Kurt's phone...and I'm not liking Sam too much either because he totally beat my high score on that stupid game. Yes I KNOW ALREADY...YOU GOT A 229, and there is NO WAY I can beat it. (according to him...but I have a plan of attack)

Ugh. Why does this happen? Sam starts up a competition and tells me that I will not beat him, and when I do, he has to make such a huge come back that I won't be able to win!! The phone lies...that's all there is to it...it lies and decides who it likes at the moment. Right now it happens to be Sam...sucks for me. Maybe if I stroke it or whisper nice things to it, it will start to like me and give me a 300!!! Now wouldn't that rock! Hehehehehe.

Plan of Attack:
Step 1: Make the phone like me.
Step 2: Play the game...get a score in the 230-300 range.
Step 3: Rub it Sam's face that I beat him to the ground!!!!!!

I'll keep you updated as our competition continues...

A message from your big sister

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DANIEL!!! I love you! :) :) :)

New and Improved

Blogger has a new look...so I thought I would join them and change the look of my blog as well. I love this template! Blogger finally created comments for its users and hopefully they work on my site! :)

List of Firsts

Summer is here, and one way I decided to celebrate was by compiling a list of all the new experiences I had throughout the school year...and they are:

- I received the best sorority Little Sister ever! Beejay you rock my world!

- I read 14 books in a four month period! Quite sick I know, but thankfully I do not need glasses like I thought I might in January!

- I went to the FSU Flying High Circus. I just have to say that there are many talented and flexible Seminoles out there! (Larissa, Shannon, and Hunter to name a few!)

-I went to a FSU ballet production. Good job Brittany, you were beautiful!

-I went to a Tallahassee choir concert. I loved it! It was a lot of fun, even though I went by myself...I was thoroughly entertained by the comments of all the old people around me. ;) I love having friends who can sing and free tickets to go watch them!

- I had two roommates in one year. Both of them were my sorority sisters, I'm glad I had a chance to get to know them better. And now Elizabeth is one of my close friends.

- I went to FSU's President's Ice-cream social. Our president was so cute, he even served the ice-cream!

- I left the teen years, and turned 20! You don't do that every year! ;)

-I went to most of the clubs in Tallahassee with Fraternity boys...yes they are called planned socials. Very interesting times...

-I went to Semi-formal and had more fun outside, than actually at Poseys.

- Started going to Campus Crusade more regularly and have made friends there. I love our Crusade here in Tally and love the staff! Wayne & Karen, Kevin & Missy are the best!

- I was a part of an outreach to six different sororities on campus, headed up by Missy! It was called Spa Night, and there was massages, fondue, Mary Kay, eyebrow waxing, facials, shampoo/conditioner making....yes we pampered our girls!

- I was able to share the 4 spiritual laws with three of my sisters. :)

- I was in one of my best friend's wedding! She was sooooo beautiful! It is one of my favorite memories so far in my life! Yay for Chris and Leah!

-I waxed my eyebrows. First my friend (Kaleigh) did it for me, then, since she did such a great job, I went out and bought wax and I did it myself! ;)

-I have guy friends now...4 to be exact. ;)

Two years and counting...

I am officially one final away from being half way done with college and my school career! That is the best news I have ever reported! I cannot wait to graduate and be done with writing papers and reading required novels that stink. :) Not that I haven't enjoyed myself here in college for the past two years...but it hasn't been the "best two out of four years of my life" like everyone says it is.

Speaking of school...I was hoping to get straight A's this semester and earn that $75 check that my sorority gives out to girls who get perfect GPAs...I could use an extra 75 dollars in my account right now. But it is looking grim...my African American Literature teacher is so frustrating. He refuses to be nice to people and give them a break.

This one guy, Ernest, goes above and beyond in all his classwork, reading responses, and even answers the professor’s questions all the time. So earlier this week we had a research paper due on the 20th and could turn it in on the 15th for extra credit. We didn't have class on the 15th because our teacher went to a conference, but he told us that if a secretary time stamped our papers by 3:15 in the English department office we would get extra credit. So Ernest finishes his paper at 2:30, goes to the office, now it's 3:00. He finds that the secretaries are having a party?!? (Who does that? especially on a Thursday at 3:00?) So he hunts them down, brings this secretary back to the office to time stamp his paper. She does, but time stamps it according to her watch that which was 5 MINUTES FAST, and stamps it at 3:20. Ernest notices this and tells her that it's 3:15 and she should change it, but she refuses. Ernest explains to her that our professor won't give him extra credit if she doesn't. She still refuses to change it and even has the audacity to tell him "Maybe he won't notice." Yeah right! So Ernest decides to run home and email our professor at 3:20 explaining what happened and that he couldn't have possibly been at the office and written the email at the same time. But my professor emails him back refusing to give him extra credit saying he told the class the time deadline. What a horrible man! Why couldn't he have been a little nicer to Ernest? It ticks me off. So I'm assuming I'll get a 93.9 in the class and he will refuse to round it up, giving me an A. So I'll end up with an A-, thus ruining my chances of getting $75. :( I don't like it when people who could have given someone grace in a certain situation chooses not to.

insecurity

There are some days when I wish I didn't look like I do. It seems to cause people pain and struggle. It causes me to see disappointment spring up in the faces of others...or resentment...or inadequacy...or the end of a friendship. It hurts me too. But I can't do much to help it. Then when I think I am helping...I'm really making it worse. Sometimes it is very annoying that I have to continue to wait...wait for that person and the day when I will be able to be myself and not have to worry about what I am doing constantly. The day I let my guarded heart and emotions run free, surrounding that person with the real me. We will find joy being together and encourage each other in Christ.

All I can do is only cling to the hope I have in Christ...that He knows what lies ahead and won't let go of my hand as we walk through this life. Hope that some day I will feel complete and whole in Him, knowing He sees me as beautiful and perfect. Hope that one day I will finally believe with all my heart that I bring Him joy and He is pleased to call me His daughter.

Fire and Ice--coffee house in Tally

Movie and coffee afterwards...now that is a perfect evening in my book. Especially when the person I hung out with tonight was Brittany! She is one awesome girl. I'm so glad God has allowed me to get to know her. :) Tonight was so fun! I love it when you can be around people who draw you close to God, challenge your walk/view of Him, and just encourage you! It has been a long time since I have felt this way around one of my friends. After our conversation, it was nice to feel encouraged, confident, and just happy. That hasn't happened in awhile. It just seems like after a lot of the conversations I've had lately, I feel drained, discouraged, or just blah; making me feel like the conversation was not worth the emotional energy I spent.

I find that I am at a crossroads in my life right now. God is moving me in a direction that is not the same as some of my close friends; and while this was at first scary to me, now it is exciting and something I desire. Change is always going to be hard; but since I know that God is guiding me through this, it makes it bearable and reminds me that He still is molding me into the woman He wants me to become. That alone makes it worth it. It has taken me a whole semester to finally be ok with venturing out on this path knowing God is the only one who will be with me. He began directing me at the end of last semester; and it has only been after I finally followed His lead that my walk with Him as deepened. He has given me so many reassurances that what I did was what He wanted for my life. It's funny how quickly you can doubt His voice when you feel insecure or scared of the future. It is also funny how quickly Satan begins to attack you when you start responding to what God is calling you to do. Which just becomes another sign that you are doing the right thing. Why would Satan attack someone who is not following God?? You are right where he wants you to be...scary and sobering thought. I know that I am on a path that is only meant for me right now, and while that sounds incredibly lonely, I'm ok with it. I've been lonely for awhile now, and that has helped me realize that I only need God for fulfillment in my life. Nothing else satisfies. He is blessing me so much right now just because I chose to courageously follow Him. I have new friends in Crusade and through my Greek Bible study. Just going to Crusade on Tuesdays and to W.O.W. encourages me. I have gotten to know my roommate so much more, and my little sister (in the sorority). I am part of a team creating an outreach to seven Panhellenic sororities on campus.

God is also showing me some areas in my life where I do not see Him in the right way. For awhile now I have been very discouraged and was putting myself down, feeling like I was a disappointment to God. I became very frustrated by it and began taking it out on other people because I did not know how to stop doing the things that I thought were disappointing Him. I stopped coming to God to fulfil my needs, and did not know what to pray or how to pray about it. But, this morning while I was reading my Bible, He showed me how He was not disappointed in me at all, but the total opposite. Hebrews 4:15-16 reminds us that, "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." How perfect is that? It flooded peace into my soul and broke apart the lies I believed. It is nice to just rest in His presence, believing this truth about Himself...not having to worry or strain over anything. He is sooo good to me. He healed my broken heart. He is my Father who loves me.

Void

It is funny how you can miss God moving in your life. This loss overwhelms you and you start grasping onto things that you hope satisfy, but in your heart you know they won't. I want God to use me in the lives around me, I want Him to open my eyes to see how much He is here with me, in everything--in my classes, homework, daily routine. I want Him to be teaching me about Himself and encouraging my spirit throughout the day. At times I feel hopeless because it is a never-ending cycle that I go through. I'm sure if I read past blog entrees, I would find one discussing this very topic. How do I have continual intimacy with my Father while I continue the boring routine of my life that seems to distract me so easily. How can I forget so quickly the wonderful feeling of His arms around me and the complete assurance that He loves me and is right here with me? Was it so long ago that I felt and believed this way? I can hear Him calling me, feel Him drawing me...but why do I hesitate? What am I scared of? Why do I desperately want to run to Him, but then retreat into the shadows of busywork, homework, anything but intimacy with the One I need so much? Where can I go to pause my life with all it's business and spend time with Him? God show me You are here in the midst of it all, that You can bring me to a place of complete surrender to You. A place where I can have joy in my struggles, the business, being outside my comfort zone--all because You have planned it this way and take great delight in me.

...

The Passion of Christ...

There are few words to describe how I felt in that theatre as I watched my Savior die for me. To see His extreme example of keeping your eyes fixed on the goal set before you, glorifying God was incredible. Crying uncontrollably at times when it struck me with such force the sacrifice He went through for such a hateful, proud, disguisting people. Seeing Him continue His ministry even in the last 12 hours of His life...and seeing Him continue to challenge people and change lives...the soldier whose ear was healed, Pilot, Simeon, the slave in Herod's house, the woman who gave Him water. Simeon--the man who paralleled so closely the heart of some Christians...someone who knew Jesus, but did not want to be associated with Him. Seeing them together carrying the cross gave me such a beautiful picture of what it is like traveling through life with Jesus...He knows the way, He is with us. "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." Luke 9:23

hustle and bustle

It is sad when you have a blog and don't write in it, because it can be so relaxing just to get your thoughts out and let them sit forever on a page of internet paper. But...when college homework takes over your life, and you are forced to write papers and read books...bad things happen. I have wanted to write in this blog for such a long time, but the juices that are needed for creative writing were being funneled into boring papers about literary books. So here I am, back writing in my blog, granted my juices are not running that strong right now, but I just feel like expressing myself so here I am.

It's raining again...and will continue to rain for the next couple hours. I'm not complaining by any means, obviously the rain can bring interesting subjects out and about for entertainment (as you can tell from my previous blog). But today, I just wish to be curled up next to a big picture window in a Papasan chair with a nice cozy fire blazing in the fireplace. I want to be somewhere that feels like home to me. A place that holds fun memories of my childhood. I realize that some people think I am just lamenting the fact that I have too much work to do right now and I'm running away from actually 'growing-up,' and maybe that's true...but it still doesn't mean I can't wish to be in these places of comfort.

There are times when I don't like knowing that my childhood is half way around the world. There is no way for me to go drive and visit the old places that hold memories or bring my friends that I have now and show them things. Like the pot-hole filled streets, Brent school, C.M. Recto --even though it was renovated, Baguio Internation Church, the skating rink at Camp John Hay--even though that whole park is now a golf course, and they changed the name to Club John Hay. There are times when I can't help but reminisce...rainy weather usually helps in that process.

But here I am...in the hustle and bustle of college life. Hearing the many cars that drive past filled with students in a rush to be somewhere, and the Taltram buses passing by my house every hour. And of course, hearing that annoying train blow it's whistle loudly, too many times at 2:30 in the morning. Seeing the students pass my window on their way to class talking to someone special on their cell phones because they can't stand a five minute walk alone with their thoughts. Watching the phi psi boys sit on their rocking chairs listening to country music that is way too loud. Then there's me sitting at my computer or on my bed reading...doing homework, not really living, just reading. Entering fictional people's lives and trying to make sense out of it, or just enough sense to show my teachers that I can critically think. Thank goodness spring break is coming and my brain can take a break from having to do school-related activities.

Instead I get to be a part of one of my closest friend's wedding. She will be so gorgeous and it will be nice to see someone who is happy and enjoying life. It will also be fun to be able to help them feel special! :) I can't wait.

Drip, drop

So today it started to rain and continued to rain most of the late morning and early afternoon. But the interesting part happened around 2:00. I had just returned from dropping one of my sisters off at her class and had begun the tedious task of reading for one of my classes. It was only a couple minutes into reading when a huge bolt of lightning struck and caused thunder to crack. Then the power went out for a couple seconds and then came back on. (I have to admit I was a little disappointed, I love it when the power is out)

Considering how much I love rain I was very distracted by the outside. My room has two big windows that create a great view of the outside world. Needless to say, I noticed how heavy the rainfall had become. Then it got to a point where it was completely white outside because of the rain. I've only seen it rain that hard a few times in my life, and never in the U.S. The road quickly became a river and the drains couldn't keep up with all the water. Roof drains were making those loud pouring noises that drown out any other noise you hear. It was raining really, really hard.

There are a few details I would like to mention before I continue my story. The sorority house I live in is located at the bottom of a slanted street and has a poor drainage system. Our front lawn is lower that the sidewalk and looks terrible right now--meaning we have dead brown grass. We also have a small porch that has six rocking chairs (3 on each side of our front door).

OK now onto the rest of my story. The river running down the street began to drain into our front yard. Thus created a lake in front of our house. No more grass, no more sidewalk, only the tops of our bushes could be seen. It literally looked like a lake had decided to move locations and stop in front of our house. Each car that went by, yes there are people who still drive through rivers, caused waves to ripple and rush towards our house. There was even a guy on a motorcycle. A Motorcycle!! I was surprised it worked in all that water...he was practically sitting in a river! The lake increased quickly and started to come INTO the house in the front foyer area. Girls were running to the windows and I was too. I took pictures of the insanity and maybe will post them once I develop the film. It was crazy. The rocking chairs had water all the way up to the flat seat part. We have one step up to our house and the water was lapping up over the step.

People who were unlucky enough to be walking in the horrible weather had to wade through water that reached mid-calf. They also endured many splashes caused by people driving WAY too fast in the road river. I felt sorry for them because here they were already soaking wet and having to step into gross sidewalk water, and other people had to zoom by and add to their ensemble greasy road river water. :(

Right across the street from my house is the bus stop. I watched as this guy walked quickly to the shack. Then a car drove past splashing him. So he stepped up onto the seat and under the covering. Then another guy joined him. Two guys standing on top of a bench waiting for a bus and watching as car after car drove past splashing water all over the sidewalk. They started to lean forward to see when a car would come to prepare themselves. It was actually quite entertaining. Then a girl walked up and they both told her to get up onto the bench. She seemed to hesitate but got up anyway. A car drove past again splashing as it went and that seemed to prove the guy's point.

The drains started to work again after about fifteen minutes...and now we can see our ugly lawn again. But the flash flood at Florida State will never be forgotten. I just hope no one will get too sick because of all the rain. I now understand the term "flash flood." I had never seen water rise that quickly before. It is pretty fascinating. I'm just glad I didn't have any classes this afternoon!!