A year and four months…and I am over it.
I dread work. I get irritated by people I’m “forced” to administratively support. The fact that I’m told what to do all day kicks my need to rebel into high gear. I receive no thank-yous. Some people in the office look at me piteously; others don’t see the need to interact unless they need something. Half the time I wonder if the ones who are nice to me only do it because I assist their boss, and they don’t want me saying anything bad about them in front of him. Women here are drivers and dress the part…they mean business. I just don’t share their love for work or being in a cubical for hours a day.
As for being proud of what I do…I don’t have much.
Here’s a list of all the things I did yesterday for $16.41/hour:
-Completed nine Sudoku puzzles
-Listened to one This American Life episode
-Sent six meeting requests - four of which were to my husband
-Sent eight meeting responses - three declines, five accepts
-Sent eight emails - six of which were work related
- Deleted 24 emails
-Cleaned up my hotmail account
-Checked two times during the day if the two requisitions were approved to pay the invoices
-Read a chapter or two in my book club book, The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane
-Put away the office mail into mailboxes
I don’t get it. I have no idea what I should do…my family thinks become a teacher, but even then I’d have to get accredited and what do I do until then? It’s frustrating to be in a job I know a high school student could do. Is it prideful that I want others to see me as an equal?
But what can I do?
I love working with people, in a team, working towards a common goal. I can’t write effectively for a living because I get burnt out in a year and a half (a.k.a. my old job). I love giving advice/listening to people, but am told if I became a counselor I would take the work home with me and I would be a mess. Plus it takes an incredible amount of money to get your degree. I love learning new things, but I know being a perpetual student is just stupid…you can’t stay in school forever.
I hate the fact that I go to work, do measly little things, all the while wishing for the clock to read 5:00pm…so I can get on with my real life. Who wants to waste time like that?! Not me! Life is way too short.
On the flip side, I am thankful that I have a job at all. Especially now during these uncertain economic times. It’s just emotionally tiring to be around people for the majority of your day who really could care less if you died.
But here I sit, and until I know where I’m supposed to go, I will continue to sit in this gray cube, look at my computer screen and listen to the hum of florescent lights and printers. God has not told me where, or what I should pursue, so I have to assume He wants me here.
God give me the desire to love these people, to serve them as if I were serving you, and be content knowing I am in Your will. I need so much help to get past my attitude and put a stopper on all the dreams and wishes bubbling up inside my soul…until You tell me it’s time to let them out…I cannot do this without You anymore…I am too tired.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Chuva
For the past four days Florida’s experienced rainy weather and everyone in my office is tired of it. I, however, love the rain. It brings back many memories of rainy seasons in Baguio. It's funny to hear people who dislike it. They complain the day is dreary, it’s annoying to walk through puddles, or that it makes them feel sad or bored. I can’t imagine not liking the rain since I basically lived in the rain most of my childhood and learned to be soothed by it.
Rain always meant the possibility that school would be cancelled due to a typhoon. Or that we might experience a brown-out. Those were always magical times to me as a child. My siblings and I would immediately open drawers, pull out candles, light them and then watch as our house illuminated with a warm, yellow glow. Dad would build a fire in the fireplace and then we would lounge around near it, play board games or listen to a book as my Dad read to us.
Rain always had good memories attached to it. It meant the world slowed down for a time and the everyday routine was halted. New rules came into play and imaginations grew as my brother, sister and I would have to find ways to entertain ourselves inside the house.
Since half the year was spent in rain, stores in Baguio sold beautiful umbrellas. It was a tradition to go pick out your umbrella for the year, like kids do with backpacks in the States. Mom would take us to the grocery store to pick out an umbrella and sometimes even a cute lunchbox. As a child I would stare at all the colors and open up each kid-sized umbrella for further design inspection. I’m sure two must-have colors were purple and pink, since at the time (and to some extent even now) they were the coolest colors.
One time after it had rained for weeks I remember thinking about Noah and the ark. Wondering what it would have been like to never have seen rain and then one day watching as the clouds rolled in, darkened, and then emptied onto the earth for forty days and nights. How frightening! But through their experience I can have confidence every time it rains that it will stop. The world will not be covered by water again, and the rainbow that appears in the sky after the sun shines reminds us that God is faithful.
Rain always meant the possibility that school would be cancelled due to a typhoon. Or that we might experience a brown-out. Those were always magical times to me as a child. My siblings and I would immediately open drawers, pull out candles, light them and then watch as our house illuminated with a warm, yellow glow. Dad would build a fire in the fireplace and then we would lounge around near it, play board games or listen to a book as my Dad read to us.
Rain always had good memories attached to it. It meant the world slowed down for a time and the everyday routine was halted. New rules came into play and imaginations grew as my brother, sister and I would have to find ways to entertain ourselves inside the house.
Since half the year was spent in rain, stores in Baguio sold beautiful umbrellas. It was a tradition to go pick out your umbrella for the year, like kids do with backpacks in the States. Mom would take us to the grocery store to pick out an umbrella and sometimes even a cute lunchbox. As a child I would stare at all the colors and open up each kid-sized umbrella for further design inspection. I’m sure two must-have colors were purple and pink, since at the time (and to some extent even now) they were the coolest colors.
One time after it had rained for weeks I remember thinking about Noah and the ark. Wondering what it would have been like to never have seen rain and then one day watching as the clouds rolled in, darkened, and then emptied onto the earth for forty days and nights. How frightening! But through their experience I can have confidence every time it rains that it will stop. The world will not be covered by water again, and the rainbow that appears in the sky after the sun shines reminds us that God is faithful.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
17 Days and Counting...
Recent Wedding Realization:
One reason why so many brides go crazy right before their wedding day is because for 6-12 months they have planned, attended to details, called vendors, put out fires with family members, chose stationary, tasted random food/cake combos, sent out invitations, tried on dresses, shoes, make-up...etc. Then in one night, a measly 8 hours later, they are supposed to forget all of that, leave the stress, unhinge the madness that is event planning and become the main event of the day. WHAT?!
There isn't another time in life when you plan an event to that tremendous scale and not remain the host while the event unfolds. Being in the background makes sense because you know the vendors, the schedule, how it's supposed to run so you can make sure everyone is having a great time. But it isn't the case with a wedding. A wedding is mainly about the couple. They are the show. They are the reason why everyone comes to the church/park.
So I will try my best to "just enjoy the day" "forget about the stress" "let go of the details" but I have to admit it will be a little hard since for the past year wedding planning has consumed a lot of my mind and free time.
Well I have 17 days to break the habit...
...but only after we've talked to the church, met with our caterer, paid for our cake, printed our programs, hand-write our place cards, pick up the marriage license, finalized the seating chart, hand out our itinerary, compile our photo list, practice my hair with hair stylist, write thank-yous to parents, pack for the honeymoon, clean the house for wedding guests...
One reason why so many brides go crazy right before their wedding day is because for 6-12 months they have planned, attended to details, called vendors, put out fires with family members, chose stationary, tasted random food/cake combos, sent out invitations, tried on dresses, shoes, make-up...etc. Then in one night, a measly 8 hours later, they are supposed to forget all of that, leave the stress, unhinge the madness that is event planning and become the main event of the day. WHAT?!
There isn't another time in life when you plan an event to that tremendous scale and not remain the host while the event unfolds. Being in the background makes sense because you know the vendors, the schedule, how it's supposed to run so you can make sure everyone is having a great time. But it isn't the case with a wedding. A wedding is mainly about the couple. They are the show. They are the reason why everyone comes to the church/park.
So I will try my best to "just enjoy the day" "forget about the stress" "let go of the details" but I have to admit it will be a little hard since for the past year wedding planning has consumed a lot of my mind and free time.
Well I have 17 days to break the habit...
...but only after we've talked to the church, met with our caterer, paid for our cake, printed our programs, hand-write our place cards, pick up the marriage license, finalized the seating chart, hand out our itinerary, compile our photo list, practice my hair with hair stylist, write thank-yous to parents, pack for the honeymoon, clean the house for wedding guests...