Better than a Life Jacket

Has it really been 18 months since I graced the stage at Florida State?
Where has the time gone?
I mean 18 ... really?

The order of my life and how to live in this world radically changed once I drove out of Tallahassee. No more holiday breaks, no more "semester" thinking, no more tests, no more essays, no more classes and no more lectures. My friends became teachers ... and anyone who is single and under 35 somehow became my peers. Never mind the fact that when they were learning to drive I was learning to write my name ... and now we're supposed to relate. R-I-G-H-T.

But I have to say I've met a lot of single, 20-somethings and do enjoy spending time with them and consider them friends, its' just odd to be the "young" one again. Especially since I've been the "oldest" most of my life in my immediate family and in my friend groups through school.

It's funny to watch people react to my age. It's "Oh, so are you living at home?" or "Yeah, I remember those days." or "Do you miss college?" Sometimes I just get the condescending smile that reads, "Oh, you're still young and don't know anything yet" and I feel as though the person just wants to pat me on the head and push me on the back as they say, "Bye-bye now! What a cute little person."

I've also noticed that most of the time when someone asks for my age they never tell me theirs. Kinda like when you talk to a four year old, and you ask them in a cutesy way, "Tell me how old you are!" and they proudly show off four fingers...you never hold out your hands and tell the kid your age. You just smile and think, "How cute!"

And yes, it's true that there's A LOT I don't understand and have yet to discover about this whole "real world" deal. Most of the time I feel like I'm swimming upstream hitting learning curve after learning curve and somehow still managing to breathe above the water. Or that I've been pushed off some huge merry-go-round called "SCHOOL" that I've been on for 18 years and now expected to walk straight and know exactly where I'm going!

Sometimes I wish that these people who "remember those days" would actually sit down and remember those days/years ... and throw me a life jacket or at least pull me onto their boat for a time before I have to get back into the river.

Having an 8 to 5 job life is like learning to walk all over again only this time there's no hand to grab in case I fall. And there's no one there to shout, "hooray!" when I do manage to stand on my own and take a few steps!

Just yesterday I had the depressing idea to check out my bank account only to see how much it has lowered since moving into my apartment. As usual I began to mentally berate myself for not being more financially responsible, that I should have budgeted, or spent less on groceries... I looked at my paycheck and saw how much I wasn't saving and how many bills that money went to...

But.

When I came home, I put on some instrumental Christmas music and God began to whisper...

Emmanuel

He gently picked up my sad heart and brushed aside the fears.

Emmanuel

God with us. I let that truth soak into my soul.

I am the same today as I was then. I will take care of you.

It was at that moment when I realized I'm not supposed to get it yet. I don't have to understand how to do life. I am still learning and that's ok. He will provide enough strength, enough patience, and enough joy for today. Then in the morning, He will provide again until He calls me home. He is faithful.

So it turns out I do have someone who remembers those days. He is in the river, swimming right next to me, cheering me on, and lifting me--so my head stays above the water.


"Behold the virgin will be with child and bear a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel, which translated means, 'God with us.'" -Matthew 1:23