The call to travel

It's funny how the sun can wipe you out even after only four hours of work. I don't really feel like doing anything at the moment. If it was cooler outside I would sit and watch the world go by...maybe people-watch for a bit, which is one of my favorite things to do. It's fun to watch people talk,too, because everyone has a unique way of animating what they are telling someone. Some of my friends are very animated and use their hands while they talk, which can be dangerous to the person listening! ;) Others use their face, which can be hilarious.

But since the weather isn't exactly cool, I've done more thinking inside with the air-con. Reflecting on my life can have good and bad affects, I've noticed. I realize things that I am not doing, especially in the God area, and realize things that God has done in my life. But lately, it's been more of a wake-up call to myself about how poorly I've been spending time with my Father. I spend time with Him, but do not let myself go deeper...which is when my soul is refreshed. I guess I'm just scared of what He might tell me, which is ridiculous because He knows what's best. But again, the cycle continues and it becomes a heart issue, and my head may understand the truth, but my heart chooses to ignore it. I feel as if I've planned my future out a little too much, not giving God enough room to show me His will. My plan is probably really pathetic compared to His for my life! So why can't I just cling to Him?

Another thing I've noticed lately is that I have a HUGE desire to travel. Due in part to many people around me either traveling themselves or talking about other countries. Which is sooo cool to hear about and to try and picture in my head...and then it ends up increasing my desire to get out of the States. Not that I'm hating it here in the States, but there are just times when I feel suffocated, wondering when my turn will be. Part of it has to do with the fact that I haven't traveled in seven years.

Once I left for college, it felt like a separation from my childhood--which was in my mind felt like a huge break with my years in the Philippines. That scares me in a way because it is such a huge part of who I am. Then other times I think that there is no way I could loose all the things I gained living overseas...there are just too many little things in my life that I do because of my experiences. One of which is reflecting! haha, which is ironic when I think about it.

I learned to get away from the world and just sit and sort of breathe when I first moved here to cope with the culture-shock and life in general. This process continues to this day, even though the culture-shock has diminished (not totally gone, because I believe it won't ever go completely) and I am sorta understanding the life I have now. It helps me trust God more with my life--because it helps me realize that I have no control. It's that eternal perspective that I need so badly so cope with a world full of sin. Of course all of this could just be over-analyzing the situation...but what are blogs for than to just write out what you are thinking and get it out of your head!