today in church a Wycliffe couple showed a video highlighting different people around the world who need to be reached for the gospel. The song I Can Only Imagine, was playing in the background...and I realized how much I missed being overseas and seeing God moving upclose and personal. Sometimes I feel as though I don't have enough faith to believe that He is working as hard here in the U.S. because we're so closed to Him being here. I mean, I thought about how hard missionaries work to tell other people about Christ...and how so many people don't even have Bibles, but they are still preaching the gospel to their own people. then I realized how badly I'm doing here in tally. I have Bibles, I have resources around me...and yet I still don't step out and tell. I don't feel the urgency to tell them about the gospel like I do when I think about going overseas. this is probably partly due to the fact that people here are so quick to put on the mask of security, indifference, and pretend to be under control of their lives. It's partly due to my stupid need to be in my comfort zone.

Why do I continually loose my focus, and turn my head from Him, and start looking down at all the homework that is pilling up, things "I need to be doing?" It's like I need someone in my life who will constantly ask me if I am living with an eternal perspective or focusing on things that will pass away. I feel trapped by myself. Trapped by business, laziness (oxymoron i know), school work, so many random thoughts in my head of what I should be doing. It's too noisy, and it distracts the real me from coming through and wanting to witness to my sisters, be a light in my classes, take time out of my day to spend with God. I hope realizing this will shock me into reality and change my habits I'm forming...pray for me.