Ava

Ava went to be with the Lord on Sunday, September 5, 2010. She was only five years old and was battling a very aggressive and rare form of brain cancer called GBM. Ten weeks ago the doctors gave her 18 months, then a few weeks later they said two months, then a few weeks later there was nothing more they could do.

Ten weeks ago when I found out I researched GBM. What I read put chills in my heart - this disease is very, very rare in children and mostly attacks adults in their 30s - 60s. I found out that everyone who is diagnosed with this has two years max and most die before that mark. I was furious.

Why God? Why a child?! Why this little girl? Don't You know she wants to grow up and go to prom or get married some day? Don't you know that she is an innocent little girl, not someone who deserves to die? This isn't the way it is supposed to happen...children are not supposed to die before their parents. How am I supposed to trust a God who puts a girl into the world only to give her horrible cancer and take her out of it again in five years? What kind of a gift is that to the parents? Here's a child, oh, just kidding. It's so twisted.

But God grabbed a hold of me and wouldn't let me stew in my thoughts. He reminded me that He did not design the world to be this way. Partings are not part of God's plan. He loves His creation, His children. His heart breaks when He sees us in pain. He is right there with Ava through all her struggles and fears. He is there with her family as they trudge through the fog of uncertainty and despair. He is with me as I struggle with my own faith to understand why.

My first instinct was to run away from this. Our culture hides death very well, and if it is seen, it's on the big screen and either glorified, or flashes in a few scenes and then goes away. So I forced myself to face this head on. I printed a photo of her and put it in my cubical, I prayed for her on my ride home, I read her father's blog posts every morning and let myself ask God questions and challenge my faith.

Slowly the Lord brought me to a place of trust. Through Ava and her Dad, I was able to see that He was there with them. He was orchestrating all of this for a purpose. He wasn't absent or sitting back and taking some maniacal pleasure out of her pain. God knows us intimately, He hears our thoughts before we even realize them, He's numbered our days before there was even one of them. He had a purpose for Ava.

On Sunday at church we sang this song and at that moment God gave me peace about Ava. He had her in the palm of His hand. I did not know that it would be her last day on earth, but God gave me peace and said to my soul, "I know Ava, I created her, I love her and will care for her all the days of her life and after death. She is my daughter and will enjoy Me forever with no pain or suffering."

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea,
A great High Priest whose name is “Love,”
Whoever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while in heav’n He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart,
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb,
My perfect, spotless Righteousness,
The great unchangable I Am,
The King of glory and of grace!

One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God,
With Christ my savior and my God.

Thank you Ava and thank you Hunter family for being so open about your struggles and faith. You helped strengthen my own faith and gave me yet another reason to yearn for the time when this world will pass and all will become new.