Fire and Ice--coffee house in Tally

Movie and coffee afterwards...now that is a perfect evening in my book. Especially when the person I hung out with tonight was Brittany! She is one awesome girl. I'm so glad God has allowed me to get to know her. :) Tonight was so fun! I love it when you can be around people who draw you close to God, challenge your walk/view of Him, and just encourage you! It has been a long time since I have felt this way around one of my friends. After our conversation, it was nice to feel encouraged, confident, and just happy. That hasn't happened in awhile. It just seems like after a lot of the conversations I've had lately, I feel drained, discouraged, or just blah; making me feel like the conversation was not worth the emotional energy I spent.

I find that I am at a crossroads in my life right now. God is moving me in a direction that is not the same as some of my close friends; and while this was at first scary to me, now it is exciting and something I desire. Change is always going to be hard; but since I know that God is guiding me through this, it makes it bearable and reminds me that He still is molding me into the woman He wants me to become. That alone makes it worth it. It has taken me a whole semester to finally be ok with venturing out on this path knowing God is the only one who will be with me. He began directing me at the end of last semester; and it has only been after I finally followed His lead that my walk with Him as deepened. He has given me so many reassurances that what I did was what He wanted for my life. It's funny how quickly you can doubt His voice when you feel insecure or scared of the future. It is also funny how quickly Satan begins to attack you when you start responding to what God is calling you to do. Which just becomes another sign that you are doing the right thing. Why would Satan attack someone who is not following God?? You are right where he wants you to be...scary and sobering thought. I know that I am on a path that is only meant for me right now, and while that sounds incredibly lonely, I'm ok with it. I've been lonely for awhile now, and that has helped me realize that I only need God for fulfillment in my life. Nothing else satisfies. He is blessing me so much right now just because I chose to courageously follow Him. I have new friends in Crusade and through my Greek Bible study. Just going to Crusade on Tuesdays and to W.O.W. encourages me. I have gotten to know my roommate so much more, and my little sister (in the sorority). I am part of a team creating an outreach to seven Panhellenic sororities on campus.

God is also showing me some areas in my life where I do not see Him in the right way. For awhile now I have been very discouraged and was putting myself down, feeling like I was a disappointment to God. I became very frustrated by it and began taking it out on other people because I did not know how to stop doing the things that I thought were disappointing Him. I stopped coming to God to fulfil my needs, and did not know what to pray or how to pray about it. But, this morning while I was reading my Bible, He showed me how He was not disappointed in me at all, but the total opposite. Hebrews 4:15-16 reminds us that, "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." How perfect is that? It flooded peace into my soul and broke apart the lies I believed. It is nice to just rest in His presence, believing this truth about Himself...not having to worry or strain over anything. He is sooo good to me. He healed my broken heart. He is my Father who loves me.

Void

It is funny how you can miss God moving in your life. This loss overwhelms you and you start grasping onto things that you hope satisfy, but in your heart you know they won't. I want God to use me in the lives around me, I want Him to open my eyes to see how much He is here with me, in everything--in my classes, homework, daily routine. I want Him to be teaching me about Himself and encouraging my spirit throughout the day. At times I feel hopeless because it is a never-ending cycle that I go through. I'm sure if I read past blog entrees, I would find one discussing this very topic. How do I have continual intimacy with my Father while I continue the boring routine of my life that seems to distract me so easily. How can I forget so quickly the wonderful feeling of His arms around me and the complete assurance that He loves me and is right here with me? Was it so long ago that I felt and believed this way? I can hear Him calling me, feel Him drawing me...but why do I hesitate? What am I scared of? Why do I desperately want to run to Him, but then retreat into the shadows of busywork, homework, anything but intimacy with the One I need so much? Where can I go to pause my life with all it's business and spend time with Him? God show me You are here in the midst of it all, that You can bring me to a place of complete surrender to You. A place where I can have joy in my struggles, the business, being outside my comfort zone--all because You have planned it this way and take great delight in me.

...

The Passion of Christ...

There are few words to describe how I felt in that theatre as I watched my Savior die for me. To see His extreme example of keeping your eyes fixed on the goal set before you, glorifying God was incredible. Crying uncontrollably at times when it struck me with such force the sacrifice He went through for such a hateful, proud, disguisting people. Seeing Him continue His ministry even in the last 12 hours of His life...and seeing Him continue to challenge people and change lives...the soldier whose ear was healed, Pilot, Simeon, the slave in Herod's house, the woman who gave Him water. Simeon--the man who paralleled so closely the heart of some Christians...someone who knew Jesus, but did not want to be associated with Him. Seeing them together carrying the cross gave me such a beautiful picture of what it is like traveling through life with Jesus...He knows the way, He is with us. "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." Luke 9:23