Well I can add a few more things to my list of firsts for the year:
-Eating fried pickles with Amanda at Po'Boys! Yes you read right...FRIED pickles. They were surprisingly delicious!
-Watching the Stanley Cup Final game between the Tampa Bay Lightning and Calgary Flames. Yay for Florida! Who would have thought a Florida team would be a Canadian one! Who has more ice?? hmmmm. ;)
-Looking at model homes in Avalon. These homes are insane! Laura and I went together today and it was so fun to pretend we had money and imagine that these houses we went into were our own. Ha! The one both of us liked was not even offered anymore, and was a 2001 Parade of Homes winner. So gorgeous and huge--but not too big. It probably was the most expensive too, but we didn't want to get a price sheet--we would probably have collapsed at the price of even the 'cheapest' home! We commented on the decorating, size of the kitchen, bedrooms, living rooms. It was great :)
* It's time for a little update on my bowling war with Sam...hehehe. So far the scores I've been getting haven't even broken 200. That is depressing. But hey, it takes time...and maybe one of these days it will just happen and I'll get six strikes and wipe out his score of a 229--that he seems to remind me of daily! ;) Just wait Sam....one of these days you will get the sinking feeling of defeat!!
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Meeting with my Creator
God met with me the morning after I wrote that last entry on my way to work. I was broken, He made me whole. I was crying, He dried my tears. He gave me a wonderful day and put a smile on my face. I have peace, joy, and am more in love with my Father. He always picks His children up when they fall and stumble. Thank You Father for carrying me and holding me close. You are with me, have saved me, and have taken great delight in me! You have quieted me with Your love and have returned my heart to gladness. (parts of Zeph. 3:17)
The song, Wish, by Joy Williams, is amazing. It was my cry to God on my way to work yesterday. I must have listened to it about three times...it would have been so awesome to see Jesus face to face and see His unending love for the people around Him...anyways...I wanted to put the words up and a picture of her. I have a link to her website under "Raindrops." On that website it has a small sound clip of this song. I recommend the CD, it is one of my favorites.
Wish
Words and Music by Rob Graves, Jason McArthur and Joy Williams
For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
To see Your first step, hear Your very first word
Tell me, did You ever fall and scrape Your knee?
Did You know Your wounds would one day heal the world?
For just one moment
I wish I could have seen You growing
Learning the way of a carpenter’s son
Just a little boy gazing at the stars
Did You remember creating every one?
If You passed by, would I have seen a child or a King?
Or would I have known?
CHORUS
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face
For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
When You left Your footprints upon the waves
To walk along beside You, never look away
Just Your whisper and the wind and sea obey
To see You feed the people
To feel the healing in Your touch
CHORUS
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face
To hear You pray in the garden alone
Laying down Your will with each tear
To see You walk that lonely road
Willing to die for me
And in that moment
I know I should have been there
You took my cross and gave Your life
But You live again!
I wish I could have been there
I wish I could have seen You rise again
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
Someday I’ll be there, I’m gonna be there
I’ll see Your face, Your mercy and grace
Someday, someday
Someday I’ll see You, my Jesus
Face to face
© 2002 Logansong Music / BMI / WonderWhyMusic.com / ASCAP / New Spring Publishing, Inc. (a division of Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.) / ASCAP. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
The song, Wish, by Joy Williams, is amazing. It was my cry to God on my way to work yesterday. I must have listened to it about three times...it would have been so awesome to see Jesus face to face and see His unending love for the people around Him...anyways...I wanted to put the words up and a picture of her. I have a link to her website under "Raindrops." On that website it has a small sound clip of this song. I recommend the CD, it is one of my favorites.
Wish
Words and Music by Rob Graves, Jason McArthur and Joy Williams
For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
To see Your first step, hear Your very first word
Tell me, did You ever fall and scrape Your knee?
Did You know Your wounds would one day heal the world?
For just one moment
I wish I could have seen You growing
Learning the way of a carpenter’s son
Just a little boy gazing at the stars
Did You remember creating every one?
If You passed by, would I have seen a child or a King?
Or would I have known?
CHORUS
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face
For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
When You left Your footprints upon the waves
To walk along beside You, never look away
Just Your whisper and the wind and sea obey
To see You feed the people
To feel the healing in Your touch
CHORUS
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face
To hear You pray in the garden alone
Laying down Your will with each tear
To see You walk that lonely road
Willing to die for me
And in that moment
I know I should have been there
You took my cross and gave Your life
But You live again!
I wish I could have been there
I wish I could have seen You rise again
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
Someday I’ll be there, I’m gonna be there
I’ll see Your face, Your mercy and grace
Someday, someday
Someday I’ll see You, my Jesus
Face to face
© 2002 Logansong Music / BMI / WonderWhyMusic.com / ASCAP / New Spring Publishing, Inc. (a division of Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.) / ASCAP. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Monday, May 31, 2004
Digging deeper
My heart is heavy and emotions are running free tonight as I write this blog. They will be speaking so that my mind can make sense of this mess I've created in myself. Change is happening and will be happening very soon in my life and every day that passes I realize how much I hate it. The people who I have spent most of my seven years here in the States are leaving my life...and its sucks...really badly. I took them for granted and now am getting hit with the fact that I won't have them around to cheer me up or have the stability of knowing that I will see them when I come home. That scares me sooo bad it hurts. It never feels great being left behind...with all the spots around town that are full of memories and little parts of my life. I probably have put way too much of myself into my friendships and now am reaping the consequences of that; but I never would have experienced the awesome times if I hadn't.
How do I deal with this deep ache inside me? Does anyone else feel it? See it? Fear it? Does change bring a shudder to their soul? Where is my faith in all of this? Why am I so defeated by this that even my faith in God leading me into the unknown makes me feel like my life is ending? I never saw myself as someone who gets rocked so hard when change enters their life. This fear of it has only come about once I started college. The break from high school to college was hard for me. And I guess because things that I knew were stable in my life then are coming undone now, so it brings all the emotion back. I'm sure if I dug deep enough I would find that ultimately I do not believe one of God's promises.
I fear digging that deep. I am afraid that if I do that, grieving for something I lost, I might really struggle to get back up. Which is so weird for me to think about...carrie being slightly depressed?? Maybe a year of being by myself has not been as good as I thought. No, it has. I know this is something I need to let God work on in my life. I am just scared to take the next step...it's like once I do, that chapter in my life will finally be closed ending seven years of friendships. And then what? I have nothing after that...and in the deepest part of me I fear that God wants me to go to that place...and place of complete emptiness, that the only thing I have left in my life is Him. Forcing me to finally fully rely on Him. Do I really need to go that far? Is there another way? I search...but probably in vain.
How do I deal with this deep ache inside me? Does anyone else feel it? See it? Fear it? Does change bring a shudder to their soul? Where is my faith in all of this? Why am I so defeated by this that even my faith in God leading me into the unknown makes me feel like my life is ending? I never saw myself as someone who gets rocked so hard when change enters their life. This fear of it has only come about once I started college. The break from high school to college was hard for me. And I guess because things that I knew were stable in my life then are coming undone now, so it brings all the emotion back. I'm sure if I dug deep enough I would find that ultimately I do not believe one of God's promises.
I fear digging that deep. I am afraid that if I do that, grieving for something I lost, I might really struggle to get back up. Which is so weird for me to think about...carrie being slightly depressed?? Maybe a year of being by myself has not been as good as I thought. No, it has. I know this is something I need to let God work on in my life. I am just scared to take the next step...it's like once I do, that chapter in my life will finally be closed ending seven years of friendships. And then what? I have nothing after that...and in the deepest part of me I fear that God wants me to go to that place...and place of complete emptiness, that the only thing I have left in my life is Him. Forcing me to finally fully rely on Him. Do I really need to go that far? Is there another way? I search...but probably in vain.