It is funny how you can miss God moving in your life. This loss overwhelms you and you start grasping onto things that you hope satisfy, but in your heart you know they won't. I want God to use me in the lives around me, I want Him to open my eyes to see how much He is here with me, in everything--in my classes, homework, daily routine. I want Him to be teaching me about Himself and encouraging my spirit throughout the day. At times I feel hopeless because it is a never-ending cycle that I go through. I'm sure if I read past blog entrees, I would find one discussing this very topic. How do I have continual intimacy with my Father while I continue the boring routine of my life that seems to distract me so easily. How can I forget so quickly the wonderful feeling of His arms around me and the complete assurance that He loves me and is right here with me? Was it so long ago that I felt and believed this way? I can hear Him calling me, feel Him drawing me...but why do I hesitate? What am I scared of? Why do I desperately want to run to Him, but then retreat into the shadows of busywork, homework, anything but intimacy with the One I need so much? Where can I go to pause my life with all it's business and spend time with Him? God show me You are here in the midst of it all, that You can bring me to a place of complete surrender to You. A place where I can have joy in my struggles, the business, being outside my comfort zone--all because You have planned it this way and take great delight in me.
Monday, March 15, 2004
Monday, March 01, 2004
...
The Passion of Christ...
There are few words to describe how I felt in that theatre as I watched my Savior die for me. To see His extreme example of keeping your eyes fixed on the goal set before you, glorifying God was incredible. Crying uncontrollably at times when it struck me with such force the sacrifice He went through for such a hateful, proud, disguisting people. Seeing Him continue His ministry even in the last 12 hours of His life...and seeing Him continue to challenge people and change lives...the soldier whose ear was healed, Pilot, Simeon, the slave in Herod's house, the woman who gave Him water. Simeon--the man who paralleled so closely the heart of some Christians...someone who knew Jesus, but did not want to be associated with Him. Seeing them together carrying the cross gave me such a beautiful picture of what it is like traveling through life with Jesus...He knows the way, He is with us. "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." Luke 9:23
There are few words to describe how I felt in that theatre as I watched my Savior die for me. To see His extreme example of keeping your eyes fixed on the goal set before you, glorifying God was incredible. Crying uncontrollably at times when it struck me with such force the sacrifice He went through for such a hateful, proud, disguisting people. Seeing Him continue His ministry even in the last 12 hours of His life...and seeing Him continue to challenge people and change lives...the soldier whose ear was healed, Pilot, Simeon, the slave in Herod's house, the woman who gave Him water. Simeon--the man who paralleled so closely the heart of some Christians...someone who knew Jesus, but did not want to be associated with Him. Seeing them together carrying the cross gave me such a beautiful picture of what it is like traveling through life with Jesus...He knows the way, He is with us. "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." Luke 9:23
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
hustle and bustle
It is sad when you have a blog and don't write in it, because it can be so relaxing just to get your thoughts out and let them sit forever on a page of internet paper. But...when college homework takes over your life, and you are forced to write papers and read books...bad things happen. I have wanted to write in this blog for such a long time, but the juices that are needed for creative writing were being funneled into boring papers about literary books. So here I am, back writing in my blog, granted my juices are not running that strong right now, but I just feel like expressing myself so here I am.
It's raining again...and will continue to rain for the next couple hours. I'm not complaining by any means, obviously the rain can bring interesting subjects out and about for entertainment (as you can tell from my previous blog). But today, I just wish to be curled up next to a big picture window in a Papasan chair with a nice cozy fire blazing in the fireplace. I want to be somewhere that feels like home to me. A place that holds fun memories of my childhood. I realize that some people think I am just lamenting the fact that I have too much work to do right now and I'm running away from actually 'growing-up,' and maybe that's true...but it still doesn't mean I can't wish to be in these places of comfort.
There are times when I don't like knowing that my childhood is half way around the world. There is no way for me to go drive and visit the old places that hold memories or bring my friends that I have now and show them things. Like the pot-hole filled streets, Brent school, C.M. Recto --even though it was renovated, Baguio Internation Church, the skating rink at Camp John Hay--even though that whole park is now a golf course, and they changed the name to Club John Hay. There are times when I can't help but reminisce...rainy weather usually helps in that process.
But here I am...in the hustle and bustle of college life. Hearing the many cars that drive past filled with students in a rush to be somewhere, and the Taltram buses passing by my house every hour. And of course, hearing that annoying train blow it's whistle loudly, too many times at 2:30 in the morning. Seeing the students pass my window on their way to class talking to someone special on their cell phones because they can't stand a five minute walk alone with their thoughts. Watching the phi psi boys sit on their rocking chairs listening to country music that is way too loud. Then there's me sitting at my computer or on my bed reading...doing homework, not really living, just reading. Entering fictional people's lives and trying to make sense out of it, or just enough sense to show my teachers that I can critically think. Thank goodness spring break is coming and my brain can take a break from having to do school-related activities.
Instead I get to be a part of one of my closest friend's wedding. She will be so gorgeous and it will be nice to see someone who is happy and enjoying life. It will also be fun to be able to help them feel special! :) I can't wait.
It's raining again...and will continue to rain for the next couple hours. I'm not complaining by any means, obviously the rain can bring interesting subjects out and about for entertainment (as you can tell from my previous blog). But today, I just wish to be curled up next to a big picture window in a Papasan chair with a nice cozy fire blazing in the fireplace. I want to be somewhere that feels like home to me. A place that holds fun memories of my childhood. I realize that some people think I am just lamenting the fact that I have too much work to do right now and I'm running away from actually 'growing-up,' and maybe that's true...but it still doesn't mean I can't wish to be in these places of comfort.
There are times when I don't like knowing that my childhood is half way around the world. There is no way for me to go drive and visit the old places that hold memories or bring my friends that I have now and show them things. Like the pot-hole filled streets, Brent school, C.M. Recto --even though it was renovated, Baguio Internation Church, the skating rink at Camp John Hay--even though that whole park is now a golf course, and they changed the name to Club John Hay. There are times when I can't help but reminisce...rainy weather usually helps in that process.
But here I am...in the hustle and bustle of college life. Hearing the many cars that drive past filled with students in a rush to be somewhere, and the Taltram buses passing by my house every hour. And of course, hearing that annoying train blow it's whistle loudly, too many times at 2:30 in the morning. Seeing the students pass my window on their way to class talking to someone special on their cell phones because they can't stand a five minute walk alone with their thoughts. Watching the phi psi boys sit on their rocking chairs listening to country music that is way too loud. Then there's me sitting at my computer or on my bed reading...doing homework, not really living, just reading. Entering fictional people's lives and trying to make sense out of it, or just enough sense to show my teachers that I can critically think. Thank goodness spring break is coming and my brain can take a break from having to do school-related activities.
Instead I get to be a part of one of my closest friend's wedding. She will be so gorgeous and it will be nice to see someone who is happy and enjoying life. It will also be fun to be able to help them feel special! :) I can't wait.
Monday, January 26, 2004
Drip, drop
So today it started to rain and continued to rain most of the late morning and early afternoon. But the interesting part happened around 2:00. I had just returned from dropping one of my sisters off at her class and had begun the tedious task of reading for one of my classes. It was only a couple minutes into reading when a huge bolt of lightning struck and caused thunder to crack. Then the power went out for a couple seconds and then came back on. (I have to admit I was a little disappointed, I love it when the power is out)
Considering how much I love rain I was very distracted by the outside. My room has two big windows that create a great view of the outside world. Needless to say, I noticed how heavy the rainfall had become. Then it got to a point where it was completely white outside because of the rain. I've only seen it rain that hard a few times in my life, and never in the U.S. The road quickly became a river and the drains couldn't keep up with all the water. Roof drains were making those loud pouring noises that drown out any other noise you hear. It was raining really, really hard.
There are a few details I would like to mention before I continue my story. The sorority house I live in is located at the bottom of a slanted street and has a poor drainage system. Our front lawn is lower that the sidewalk and looks terrible right now--meaning we have dead brown grass. We also have a small porch that has six rocking chairs (3 on each side of our front door).
OK now onto the rest of my story. The river running down the street began to drain into our front yard. Thus created a lake in front of our house. No more grass, no more sidewalk, only the tops of our bushes could be seen. It literally looked like a lake had decided to move locations and stop in front of our house. Each car that went by, yes there are people who still drive through rivers, caused waves to ripple and rush towards our house. There was even a guy on a motorcycle. A Motorcycle!! I was surprised it worked in all that water...he was practically sitting in a river! The lake increased quickly and started to come INTO the house in the front foyer area. Girls were running to the windows and I was too. I took pictures of the insanity and maybe will post them once I develop the film. It was crazy. The rocking chairs had water all the way up to the flat seat part. We have one step up to our house and the water was lapping up over the step.
People who were unlucky enough to be walking in the horrible weather had to wade through water that reached mid-calf. They also endured many splashes caused by people driving WAY too fast in the road river. I felt sorry for them because here they were already soaking wet and having to step into gross sidewalk water, and other people had to zoom by and add to their ensemble greasy road river water. :(
Right across the street from my house is the bus stop. I watched as this guy walked quickly to the shack. Then a car drove past splashing him. So he stepped up onto the seat and under the covering. Then another guy joined him. Two guys standing on top of a bench waiting for a bus and watching as car after car drove past splashing water all over the sidewalk. They started to lean forward to see when a car would come to prepare themselves. It was actually quite entertaining. Then a girl walked up and they both told her to get up onto the bench. She seemed to hesitate but got up anyway. A car drove past again splashing as it went and that seemed to prove the guy's point.
The drains started to work again after about fifteen minutes...and now we can see our ugly lawn again. But the flash flood at Florida State will never be forgotten. I just hope no one will get too sick because of all the rain. I now understand the term "flash flood." I had never seen water rise that quickly before. It is pretty fascinating. I'm just glad I didn't have any classes this afternoon!!
Considering how much I love rain I was very distracted by the outside. My room has two big windows that create a great view of the outside world. Needless to say, I noticed how heavy the rainfall had become. Then it got to a point where it was completely white outside because of the rain. I've only seen it rain that hard a few times in my life, and never in the U.S. The road quickly became a river and the drains couldn't keep up with all the water. Roof drains were making those loud pouring noises that drown out any other noise you hear. It was raining really, really hard.
There are a few details I would like to mention before I continue my story. The sorority house I live in is located at the bottom of a slanted street and has a poor drainage system. Our front lawn is lower that the sidewalk and looks terrible right now--meaning we have dead brown grass. We also have a small porch that has six rocking chairs (3 on each side of our front door).
OK now onto the rest of my story. The river running down the street began to drain into our front yard. Thus created a lake in front of our house. No more grass, no more sidewalk, only the tops of our bushes could be seen. It literally looked like a lake had decided to move locations and stop in front of our house. Each car that went by, yes there are people who still drive through rivers, caused waves to ripple and rush towards our house. There was even a guy on a motorcycle. A Motorcycle!! I was surprised it worked in all that water...he was practically sitting in a river! The lake increased quickly and started to come INTO the house in the front foyer area. Girls were running to the windows and I was too. I took pictures of the insanity and maybe will post them once I develop the film. It was crazy. The rocking chairs had water all the way up to the flat seat part. We have one step up to our house and the water was lapping up over the step.
People who were unlucky enough to be walking in the horrible weather had to wade through water that reached mid-calf. They also endured many splashes caused by people driving WAY too fast in the road river. I felt sorry for them because here they were already soaking wet and having to step into gross sidewalk water, and other people had to zoom by and add to their ensemble greasy road river water. :(
Right across the street from my house is the bus stop. I watched as this guy walked quickly to the shack. Then a car drove past splashing him. So he stepped up onto the seat and under the covering. Then another guy joined him. Two guys standing on top of a bench waiting for a bus and watching as car after car drove past splashing water all over the sidewalk. They started to lean forward to see when a car would come to prepare themselves. It was actually quite entertaining. Then a girl walked up and they both told her to get up onto the bench. She seemed to hesitate but got up anyway. A car drove past again splashing as it went and that seemed to prove the guy's point.
The drains started to work again after about fifteen minutes...and now we can see our ugly lawn again. But the flash flood at Florida State will never be forgotten. I just hope no one will get too sick because of all the rain. I now understand the term "flash flood." I had never seen water rise that quickly before. It is pretty fascinating. I'm just glad I didn't have any classes this afternoon!!