It is funny how you can miss God moving in your life. This loss overwhelms you and you start grasping onto things that you hope satisfy, but in your heart you know they won't. I want God to use me in the lives around me, I want Him to open my eyes to see how much He is here with me, in everything--in my classes, homework, daily routine. I want Him to be teaching me about Himself and encouraging my spirit throughout the day. At times I feel hopeless because it is a never-ending cycle that I go through. I'm sure if I read past blog entrees, I would find one discussing this very topic. How do I have continual intimacy with my Father while I continue the boring routine of my life that seems to distract me so easily. How can I forget so quickly the wonderful feeling of His arms around me and the complete assurance that He loves me and is right here with me? Was it so long ago that I felt and believed this way? I can hear Him calling me, feel Him drawing me...but why do I hesitate? What am I scared of? Why do I desperately want to run to Him, but then retreat into the shadows of busywork, homework, anything but intimacy with the One I need so much? Where can I go to pause my life with all it's business and spend time with Him? God show me You are here in the midst of it all, that You can bring me to a place of complete surrender to You. A place where I can have joy in my struggles, the business, being outside my comfort zone--all because You have planned it this way and take great delight in me.
