Purpose

I am reading Forgotten God, by Francis Chan, a book which challenges the church to dig deeper into their understanding of the Holy Spirit and His part in their lives. This morning I was reading chapter three and was struck by these truths:

"The Holy Spirit has His own desires and will. In 1 Corinthians we read that the gifts of the Spirit are empowered by One and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as He wills. This is an important reminder of Who is in control. Just as we don't get to choose which gifts we are given, we also don't get to choose what God intends for us and for the church. The Spirit has a plan for our lives, for each of us. And He has a plan for the church, including your individual church body and the worldwide body of Christ. If you're like me, you probably have a plan for your own life, for your church and maybe even for the larger body of Christ. That's why we all desperately need to pray as Christ did, not my will, but yours be done."

As many times as I've heard it said, I needed to hear it again: It is not about me. I am but a part of a larger plan that God has in place for His own purposes. My life is not my own, I cannot dream large enough to know how my life will be used in His kingdom. He only asks for my obedience, faith and trust in His plan. Again I am struck by the fact that God called us to California for a purpose. Yes it helps Dan's career, but I feel as though it's bigger than that. God is using us in His overall will for the worldwide Church. Our obedience to go has brought us closer to Him. My obedience to trust Him everyday brings me closer to Him.

The Holy Spirit will guide us to a church and a community to serve. His purposes are greater than my own. Someone will be brought closer to the Lord on account of our obedience to His will. That truth makes my heart glad and lifts my eyes to see that I am part of a greater plan in action, one that cannot be thwarted - of which I am grateful.

Wearing Patience Daily

As the parent of a two-month old it is apparent that patience is something we learn and not something innate in our being. I find myself constantly reminding my sweet Caleb that he needs to be patient when I have not come to the "rescue" fast enough because he's hungry, bored, has a wet diaper...etc. I've told him we need patience so we can be more like Jesus.

Isn't it funny how much I need to hear those words too? Compared to a two-month old I am the queen of patience, but when compared to Christ I am pitiful. Yes, I do not cry when I'm hungry or bored, but I complain when things are uncomfortable and stretch me. How many times a day do I plead with the Lord to take away some trial I am going through or question His timing and guidance in my life? Is that any different that my precious child? Not really.

So yes, patience is a learned virtue, but more than that, it is a virtue that can never be mastered. I will not wake up one day and say, "Sweet! Today I am patient and will never have to work on that fruit of the Spirit anymore." By definition, patience can only reveal itself when you are tested. Just like silver, it is produced by fire. Life itself provides ample seasons to grow patience.

I'm learning that the secret is to allow the Lord to work in me as I walk through the difficulty. Instead of asking Him to take this decision away, to resolve this situation quickly or complaining that this trial is lasting too long, I should choose to sit in whatever He has allowed me to walk through and ask Him to refine me. As I read in a devotional recently, "Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that God allows in your life, trusting Him to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Him."

As I continue this parenting adventure, I am trying to remember to "consider it pure joy" when I face trials knowing that He is perfecting my character, growing my patience and increasing my dependence on Him. My hope for Caleb is that as he watches how I react to hard situations, he too will see trials this way and be one step ahead of me in his patience growth when he is my age. But for now, I will continue to remind Caleb that as he waits for the rest of his meal, will not die from hunger in the 30 seconds it takes for him to burp. :)

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." - Colossians 3:12

What I Learned During the First Trimester...

• It is possible to get sick in your car, while driving on the interstate at 70 miles an hour, one handed with a publix bag next to your face, and still not make it into the bag but all over the front of your shirt and seatbelt.

• A task as simple as loading the dishwasher can trigger your gag reflex so bad that you have to run to the bathroom and then ask your husband to finish cleaning the dishes.

• You have to “unlearn” the way you deal with stomach queeziness because normally if you feel sick, you don’t eat anything or just have 7-Up and crackers. But during pregnancy, eating protein and whole grain every few hours could mean the difference between a good or a bad day.

• Feeling tired is taken to a whole new level – a night’s rest never feels long enough

• Coffee does not sound good at all - shocker I know.

• Vegetables do not sound good.

• Fruit and fruit snacks, however, are God’s gift to my stomach.

• You begin to hate eating because it either goes well for a few hours or comes back up in 20 minutes.

• You gain a super power: acute smell, which is a blessing and a curse. A blessing when you smell a nice flower or perfume...a curse when your work cafeteria cooks vegetarian meat products for breakfast that smell like a landfill and cause you to gag all the way down the hall to your cubical.

Takes the Cake

I had the strangest pregnancy conversation today that by the end of it I felt as though I had really upset my coworker (who I have had maybe three conversations with the 3 ½ years I’ve been at the company) and that pregnancy was something you could catch like cancer and could have serious consequences for my boss...

Setting: During the marketing department monthly staff meeting while in line waiting for an omlete.

[Side Note: Usually when attending marketing staff meetings you can expect to find hard folding chairs, cold air-conditioning, no food or coffee service for the 8am meeting. This time there was a hot breakfast and drink station set up with round tables and cookies at each place setting. Would’ve been nice to know beforehand...but regardless I still was able to eat a second breakfast :) ]

Here’s how the convo played out:

Male co-worker: (after staring at me, then at my name tag) Carrie! I had no idea you were pregnant!

Carrie: (noticed the shock on his face and have no idea what his name is) Yeah, thanks! I am!

Male co-worker: Wow, you’re pregnant...(still full shock on his face) What is Josef going to do without you?

Carrie: ...uh...(trying to gage whether this guy is for real or just joking)...oh he’ll survive! [enter nervous laughter here]

Male co-worker: (with a look of concern on his face) What will he do?

Carrie: (realizing this guy may be seriously asking the question) He’ll be fine. He’ll be ok.

Male co-worker: How did this happen?

Carrie: (hoping for his sake that he doesn’t realize how he’s coming across) ...well...I’m due April 30, so if you subtract nine months from that...[more strained laughter]

Male co-worker: (incredulous look on his face) April 30!? Wow I didn’t know at all!

Carrie: I didn’t send out a mass email about it or anything...I mean I did mention it at Energizers a few months ago...

Male co-worker: Man, I just didn’t know you were pregnant.

Carrie: [doesn't know what to say so smiles and takes her omlete and leaves for her table]

AWKWARD!!!

Entering a Strange New World

Lookout! Dan and I are “parents in the making,” and have entered a whole new world…one filled with car seats, strollers, cribs, advice and opinions, and lots and lots of commercialism. Ready or not, here we go.

Ava

Ava went to be with the Lord on Sunday, September 5, 2010. She was only five years old and was battling a very aggressive and rare form of brain cancer called GBM. Ten weeks ago the doctors gave her 18 months, then a few weeks later they said two months, then a few weeks later there was nothing more they could do.

Ten weeks ago when I found out I researched GBM. What I read put chills in my heart - this disease is very, very rare in children and mostly attacks adults in their 30s - 60s. I found out that everyone who is diagnosed with this has two years max and most die before that mark. I was furious.

Why God? Why a child?! Why this little girl? Don't You know she wants to grow up and go to prom or get married some day? Don't you know that she is an innocent little girl, not someone who deserves to die? This isn't the way it is supposed to happen...children are not supposed to die before their parents. How am I supposed to trust a God who puts a girl into the world only to give her horrible cancer and take her out of it again in five years? What kind of a gift is that to the parents? Here's a child, oh, just kidding. It's so twisted.

But God grabbed a hold of me and wouldn't let me stew in my thoughts. He reminded me that He did not design the world to be this way. Partings are not part of God's plan. He loves His creation, His children. His heart breaks when He sees us in pain. He is right there with Ava through all her struggles and fears. He is there with her family as they trudge through the fog of uncertainty and despair. He is with me as I struggle with my own faith to understand why.

My first instinct was to run away from this. Our culture hides death very well, and if it is seen, it's on the big screen and either glorified, or flashes in a few scenes and then goes away. So I forced myself to face this head on. I printed a photo of her and put it in my cubical, I prayed for her on my ride home, I read her father's blog posts every morning and let myself ask God questions and challenge my faith.

Slowly the Lord brought me to a place of trust. Through Ava and her Dad, I was able to see that He was there with them. He was orchestrating all of this for a purpose. He wasn't absent or sitting back and taking some maniacal pleasure out of her pain. God knows us intimately, He hears our thoughts before we even realize them, He's numbered our days before there was even one of them. He had a purpose for Ava.

On Sunday at church we sang this song and at that moment God gave me peace about Ava. He had her in the palm of His hand. I did not know that it would be her last day on earth, but God gave me peace and said to my soul, "I know Ava, I created her, I love her and will care for her all the days of her life and after death. She is my daughter and will enjoy Me forever with no pain or suffering."

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea,
A great High Priest whose name is “Love,”
Whoever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while in heav’n He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart,
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb,
My perfect, spotless Righteousness,
The great unchangable I Am,
The King of glory and of grace!

One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God,
With Christ my savior and my God.

Thank you Ava and thank you Hunter family for being so open about your struggles and faith. You helped strengthen my own faith and gave me yet another reason to yearn for the time when this world will pass and all will become new.

The King over Earthly Kings

I've had a goal for awhile now to read through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation but earlier this year I stopped reading after Ruth. Yesterday I picked up again and read 1 Samuel 1 - 8. Then stopped - chapter eight was very interesting. This is where Israel asks Samuel to appoint a king to rule over them.

"So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, "You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have." (1 Sam. 8:4-5)

Why would they decide to ask for a king now, when all throughout the years God has provided everything they needed? What made them believe He was not enough for them? The more I thought about it, the more I realized the people did not think about all that God had done for them, but had turned their eyes towards other nations and made their lives the standard. Israel wanted to be like other nations and have a physical leader they could look to - they did not want to stand out. They trusted in what they thought was right - men leading men, and not what God desired - men trusting God and following His ways.

So Samuel warned them what reality would look like with a human king:

-Sons taken for war, to reap the harvest
-Daughters taken for the king's court and kitchen
-Crops and cattle taken as taxes for the king
-The best servants taken to serve the king

"But the people refused to listen to Samuel. "No!" they said. "We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles." (1 Sam. 8:19-20)

What a lousy excuse. To go before them and fight their battles?! Really? You don't think that the whole old testament up and to this point had story after story of "...and the Lord went before them and destroyed their enemies..." and yet that was their excuse. How horrible was it to have God as their King?

-He loves them and wants them to succeed
-He owns everything already, so doesn't need to take servants or taxes
-He controls every earthly king
-He has been faithful to bring justice, grace and mercy to them in the past.
-He demands that they stay true to the covenant He made with them.

At this point I could have stopped and said, "How silly Israelites...come on, who the heck would trade an earthly king for the King of the Universe?!"

And yet...it is so easy to see Israel's situation as simple, but am I really that different? How many times do I think my ideas or decisions are better than His? Who do I trust in a majority of the time, men? Or a holy God?

But even with their disobedience God was able to redeem them. He chose Saul to be their king. Then God chose David, the son of Jesse.


Romans 15:12 (NIV)

And again, Isaiah says,
"The Root of Jesse will spring up,
one who will arise to rule over the nations;
the Gentiles will hope in him."

Double Love

I’ve been reading “The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk” with my friend Carly. Usually I have no problem reading books, as a former literature major my favorite past-time is reading. However, I have a weakness when it comes to Christian non-fiction...I cannot seem to finish them after I start. So having Carly read this one with me has forced me to continue through the book to the end. The chapter we are in speaks on doubt – doubting God, His truth, His character, His promises and His plan for our lives. But one passage stopped me in my tracks:

“We must become committed to living out the double love command, a lifestyle that places love for God first and love of others second out of our overflow of God’s love. We must learn to walk moment by moment in faith and repentance and to say no to temptations to choose selfishly.”

How do I choose to love God first before loving others? It’s so easy to love others and say “oh yeah, I love God.” But what does it look like – practically – to love God first? I think it means to give up my daily comforts that draw me into spiritual passivity. It means lots of little choices that add up to daily habits. It means getting up early or leaving my desk at lunch or hiding away in another room in the evening just to spend time with God every day. It means turning off the television/radio/computer when I hear Him calling me to dwell with Him.

It means putting Him first before my husband – something that will probably cause me to feel like I’m being selfish, a bad wife, or guilty over not being with him in the evening. When you love someone you want to be near them. You want to spend all of your extra time with them. You think about them throughout the day. Certain things will trigger a memory with them and you will smile. The more I think about it, the more I realize I love my husband more than I love God. The choice to either read Scripture or walk out of this room and dance with my husband to country music is easy...I would pick my husband. It hurts my heart, but it is true right now.

But in the long run this choice to put God above all else will improve my marriage, friendships, outlook on life, and ultimately my character. I will know Him deeply. I will run to Him first when I feel scared or troubled. I will be able to fight the lies that creep into my head and the temptations to doubt my Savior. What a reward to gain! Yes – this is what I will choose. Lord, help me choose You first. Help me make the small decisions that will ultimately be for my good. Draw me to yourself and teach me your promises and shower me with Your love.

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
–Psalm 25:4-5

Mad Men - Where Truth Lies

My pastor encourages us to ask ourselves these questions, “Am I feeding my mind with beauty and truth? Am I becoming a more increasingly encouraging and life-giving person? Or one who is cynical and bitter?”

Tonight I watched the first three episodes of Mad Men season one. I had heard about the show from a number of people saying it was interesting and that it had won awards for costuming and correct representation of the 60’s. But the more I watched the more I felt my soul grieved by what I saw. Deception, pride, judgementalism, selfishness, vulgarity, baseness and manipulative behavior ran rampent. Husbands cheating on wives, secretaries flirting with married bosses, homemakers judging their neighbors, coworkers stealing ideas to get ahead, being willing to do anything to make money. These were the core themes of the show. These were the people you were supposed to connect and feel empathetic with enough to continue watching the season.

Things of beauty and truth were rare and far between. I knew that allowing this show to be a part of my life would eventually tempt my cynical and sarcastic side. It would dull my senses towards truth, morality and loving others. It would creep into my marriage and challenge our unity and commitment to godliness. In otherwords, this show would not fill my mind with beauty or remind me of God’s truth. So, I took it off our Netfilx queue and will not watch any more episodes, no matter how many people tell me about the props, costuming, or time period acuracy – the underlying whispers that would invade my heart are not worth it.


Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. - Col. 3:1-2

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:1-2

Chocolat Suisse

There are many benefits about having an internationally-minded family. But the one I want to highlight is Swiss-made chocolate. The past two days I have enjoyed its smooth, creamy and luscious flavor in many forms.

Yesterday it was in squares of pure milk chocolate and then in a square of hazelnut-infused milk chocolate. Today it was in the Swiss version of a Kit-Kat. Let me tell you that I have been tortured by Kit-Kat's new marketing campaign where they show people eating the bars making the sounds of their little jingle...and every time I've been in the grocery store I have resisted purchasing one. Well today my patience was rewarded. I tasted THE best version of a "kit-kat" one that has all the crunchiness of a kit-kat but covered in the dreamy Swiss milk chocolate.

Now if only my supply of Swiss chocolate was not so small...

Nouveau

I contemplated the removal this blog from the internet for a long time. But the thought of creating a new one and parting with the history reflected in it's "pages" saddened me. Compromise was key and instead of deletion I changed a few things, shifted my focus and rekindled my love of writing.

Why the French theme? Even though I do not know how to speak French, I enjoy the sound of the language; and I fell in love with the Eiffel Tower while in Paris on holiday.

My hope is to record moments when I notice gifts of grace - the ways the Lord reminds me of His truth, love, and promises – in my day-to-day life.


The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)

Restless

A year and four months…and I am over it.

I dread work. I get irritated by people I’m “forced” to administratively support. The fact that I’m told what to do all day kicks my need to rebel into high gear. I receive no thank-yous. Some people in the office look at me piteously; others don’t see the need to interact unless they need something. Half the time I wonder if the ones who are nice to me only do it because I assist their boss, and they don’t want me saying anything bad about them in front of him. Women here are drivers and dress the part…they mean business. I just don’t share their love for work or being in a cubical for hours a day.

As for being proud of what I do…I don’t have much.

Here’s a list of all the things I did yesterday for $16.41/hour:

-Completed nine Sudoku puzzles
-Listened to one This American Life episode
-Sent six meeting requests - four of which were to my husband
-Sent eight meeting responses - three declines, five accepts
-Sent eight emails - six of which were work related
- Deleted 24 emails
-Cleaned up my hotmail account
-Checked two times during the day if the two requisitions were approved to pay the invoices
-Read a chapter or two in my book club book, The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane
-Put away the office mail into mailboxes


I don’t get it. I have no idea what I should do…my family thinks become a teacher, but even then I’d have to get accredited and what do I do until then? It’s frustrating to be in a job I know a high school student could do. Is it prideful that I want others to see me as an equal?

But what can I do?

I love working with people, in a team, working towards a common goal. I can’t write effectively for a living because I get burnt out in a year and a half (a.k.a. my old job). I love giving advice/listening to people, but am told if I became a counselor I would take the work home with me and I would be a mess. Plus it takes an incredible amount of money to get your degree. I love learning new things, but I know being a perpetual student is just stupid…you can’t stay in school forever.

I hate the fact that I go to work, do measly little things, all the while wishing for the clock to read 5:00pm…so I can get on with my real life. Who wants to waste time like that?! Not me! Life is way too short.

On the flip side, I am thankful that I have a job at all. Especially now during these uncertain economic times. It’s just emotionally tiring to be around people for the majority of your day who really could care less if you died.

But here I sit, and until I know where I’m supposed to go, I will continue to sit in this gray cube, look at my computer screen and listen to the hum of florescent lights and printers. God has not told me where, or what I should pursue, so I have to assume He wants me here.

God give me the desire to love these people, to serve them as if I were serving you, and be content knowing I am in Your will. I need so much help to get past my attitude and put a stopper on all the dreams and wishes bubbling up inside my soul…until You tell me it’s time to let them out…I cannot do this without You anymore…I am too tired.

Chuva

For the past four days Florida’s experienced rainy weather and everyone in my office is tired of it. I, however, love the rain. It brings back many memories of rainy seasons in Baguio. It's funny to hear people who dislike it. They complain the day is dreary, it’s annoying to walk through puddles, or that it makes them feel sad or bored. I can’t imagine not liking the rain since I basically lived in the rain most of my childhood and learned to be soothed by it.

Rain always meant the possibility that school would be cancelled due to a typhoon. Or that we might experience a brown-out. Those were always magical times to me as a child. My siblings and I would immediately open drawers, pull out candles, light them and then watch as our house illuminated with a warm, yellow glow. Dad would build a fire in the fireplace and then we would lounge around near it, play board games or listen to a book as my Dad read to us.

Rain always had good memories attached to it. It meant the world slowed down for a time and the everyday routine was halted. New rules came into play and imaginations grew as my brother, sister and I would have to find ways to entertain ourselves inside the house.

Since half the year was spent in rain, stores in Baguio sold beautiful umbrellas. It was a tradition to go pick out your umbrella for the year, like kids do with backpacks in the States. Mom would take us to the grocery store to pick out an umbrella and sometimes even a cute lunchbox. As a child I would stare at all the colors and open up each kid-sized umbrella for further design inspection. I’m sure two must-have colors were purple and pink, since at the time (and to some extent even now) they were the coolest colors.

One time after it had rained for weeks I remember thinking about Noah and the ark. Wondering what it would have been like to never have seen rain and then one day watching as the clouds rolled in, darkened, and then emptied onto the earth for forty days and nights. How frightening! But through their experience I can have confidence every time it rains that it will stop. The world will not be covered by water again, and the rainbow that appears in the sky after the sun shines reminds us that God is faithful.

17 Days and Counting...

Recent Wedding Realization:

One reason why so many brides go crazy right before their wedding day is because for 6-12 months they have planned, attended to details, called vendors, put out fires with family members, chose stationary, tasted random food/cake combos, sent out invitations, tried on dresses, shoes, make-up...etc. Then in one night, a measly 8 hours later, they are supposed to forget all of that, leave the stress, unhinge the madness that is event planning and become the main event of the day. WHAT?!

There isn't another time in life when you plan an event to that tremendous scale and not remain the host while the event unfolds. Being in the background makes sense because you know the vendors, the schedule, how it's supposed to run so you can make sure everyone is having a great time. But it isn't the case with a wedding. A wedding is mainly about the couple. They are the show. They are the reason why everyone comes to the church/park.

So I will try my best to "just enjoy the day" "forget about the stress" "let go of the details" but I have to admit it will be a little hard since for the past year wedding planning has consumed a lot of my mind and free time.

Well I have 17 days to break the habit...

...but only after we've talked to the church, met with our caterer, paid for our cake, printed our programs, hand-write our place cards, pick up the marriage license, finalized the seating chart, hand out our itinerary, compile our photo list, practice my hair with hair stylist, write thank-yous to parents, pack for the honeymoon, clean the house for wedding guests...

Not ashamed

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, 'But the righteous man shall live by faith.'"

- Romas 1:16-17

Mutilated Christian girl, 10, forgives attackers
By Chelsea Schilling

Hindu extremists may have burned a 10-year-old Christian girl's face, inflicted shrapnel wounds on 40 percent of her body and forced her family to hide in a forest and flee to a refugee camp in Orissa, India, but her plight hasn't shaken her faith and thankfulness to God this season.

"Christmas is a time to thank the baby Jesus who saved me from the fire and saved my face which was disfigured and wounded," Namrata Nayak told Asia News.

Nayak's face was severely mutilated after Hindu extremists bombed the home where she was staying on Aug. 26. They broke into the house and burned it while Nayak and her siblings hid in a small bathroom. Before exiting the home, they left a bomb in a dresser, according to the report.

While the little girl surveyed the destruction, the bomb detonated and burned her face. The explosion also lodged shrapnel into her face, hands and back.

Nayak's mother, Sudhamani, came running out of the forest where she was hiding. "We saw everything burned, and feared that everyone had died in the flames," Sudhamani said. Instead, thanks to God, everyone was safe. Only that my daughter had been wounded. But Jesus took care of her. We took her to the hospital in Berhampur, still unconscious and badly hurt."

Nayak spent 45 days recovering in the hospital. Despite all her troubles, she is cheerful and giving thanks to God for healing her. "There is so much pain and suffering, and I don't know how long the special forces will protect us," she told Asia News. "But Christmas is a time of gratitude. I am afraid that my people will still be attacked, but this is our life. If God has saved me, he can save other Christians too."

The Hindu attackers have vowed to launch another widespread assault on Christians during Christmas. The violence began after Christians were blamed for the death of Hindu leader Swami Laxmanananda Saraswati on Aug. 24. They continue to be persecuted even though Maoists openly admitted to murdering Saraswati.

Hindus have offered money, food and alcohol to anyone who murders Christians and destroys their homes – especially pastors. Thousands of homes and churches have been destroyed, and Christians have been forced to flee the violence. Many have been doused with kerosene and torched after refusing to renounce their Christian faith.

Nonetheless, Nayak urges India's Christians to forgive their Hindu attackers. "[W]e forgive the Hindu radicals who attacked us, who burned our homes," she told Asia News. "They were out of their minds, they do not know the love of Jesus. For this reason, I now want to study so that when I am older I can tell everyone how much Jesus loves us. This is my future."

Nayak said her life plan is to share the message of God's love. "The world has seen my face destroyed by the fire, now it must come to know my smile full of love and peace," she said. "I want to dedicate my life to spreading the Gospel."

Cake

We've picked a cake!! It's gonna be delicious! :)

-3-tiers
-vanilla with lemon
-chocolate with raspberry
-white icing, with pink accents
- Hopefully they can put the edible shimmer powder over it too!

Here are some designs I like, the cake topper will be real flowers...not the ones pictured here:

Think Pink

Yes, I now have a bright pink extention hanging from my head. Dan thinks it's amazing and wants me to get more. I, on the other hand, still get shocked every time I see it in a mirror. But it's been kinda fun to see the reactions from random people as I walk past them.

Target practice

Once I decided to read the Bible everyday this week, stress flew at me from all directions like archers on target practice. Some of them were so random too!

-Creepy man at work --> he's odd and whispers everytime he talks to me in my cube. He kinda reminds me of Kevin from The Office, but not funny at all, just plain weird.

-Work load --> I assist four people at work and this week they decided to all give me long, detailed projects. I don't mind of course, but it's overwhelming to get them all at once!

-Friend at work --> she normally doesn't bother me much during the day, but man this week she's been in my cube talking and talking almost every hour she visits me! Stresses me out because any time I'm about to get into a work mode, she pops in.

-Florida drivers --> yes, a constant source of stress for me. This week there was a high percentage of "wait 'till the last minute to break" people. So I was constantly on my guard and almost got into three accidents.

-Roommate --> it felt like no matter what I did, there was something I did that bothered her. She chose this week to write me a letter expressing all this and man, what a week to get it. Then when I tried to express myself, she didn't seem to understand my position. ugh.

-Roommate's fiancé --> random! I know, but seriously he got mad at me this week when I didn't answer his text. I was sitting alone in my apartment and he randomly shows up and begins his laundry and stomps into my roommate's room. All he said to me was, "you didn't respond to my text." sheesh.

-Roommate's parents in town --> so she cooked them dinner yesterday, but failed to mention it to me so when I got home I had to quickly pack up all my dinner items and cook over at Dan's house. Thanks for the head's up!

-My Fiancé --> for some reason this week my fiance didn't have great days at work and took his frustration/sadness/annoyance home with him. Praise God that we both prayed together and this was quickly resolved, but still a lot of emotional energy was spent on this one.

-Save-the-dates --> this was the week to complete them and the website I was using crashed and froze, gave me error messages and such. A quick and easy process turned into a nightmare.

-Dreams --> every night this week I've had stress dreams. Dreams where I try and express myself and no one understands. Dreams of fighting with people I love. Dreams where I can't get anything done on time...etc. So not much restful sleep.

Hopefully sometime soon I can get some peace and rest so that I can calm my spirit.

Jupiter in my Cup

Coffee at work isn't the best. Saying that may make me a coffee snob but facts are facts. The coffee at work tastes strange. It may be the brewing equipment is faulty, not enough water gets into the push pot, or that particular flavor of Barnie's coffee doesn't do it for me.

Every morning I hope our receptionist brews the flavored coffee. Maybe just once I'll walk in to see German Chocolate Cake or even Irish Creme. But alas, it is only when I'm in charge of the coffee that these fantastic flavors emerge from their storage closet.

Over time I've discovered the trick to making this coffee bearable. I know, it's a strong word, but you come try it! There's just something a little off about it. Anyways, the trick is to pour the coffee 2/3 of the way, then add some hot water, dump in 2 unflavored creamers, and finally 2 hazelnut creamers and you have the right consistency of sweetness that no sugar is needed.

Unfortunately our office is so cold that this concoction has to be drunk in a relatively short amount of time otherwise you have a lukewarm mess and styrofoam cannot go into the microwave!

Needless to say I had little respect for this coffee...UNTIL TODAY!

After I fixed my coffee like normal I stared at the top of my cup once I got back to my desk and noticed the most intriguing thing! Small swirls were forming all over the surface of the coffee. At first I thought it was just movement remnants of the stir stick I used, but it had been awhile since I stirred it. These incredible mini-hurricanes were forming because of the heat in my coffee (once Dan explained that to me).

The more I stared the more I realized it looked like the red spots of Jupiter, always moving, swirling but not getting anywhere. This was incredible! I had a tiny bit of outer space in my morning coffee...I had Jupiter in my cup!

Martha & Jesus

But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:40 - 42, NASB)

"Martha is not asking a question here. She is stating what she believes to be a fact. She is looking into the eyes of Love itself and calling Him unaware and uncaring. Because He doesn't seem to be interested in what she thinks is important. Instead of sharply correcting Martha, Jesus lovingly rebukes her for being worried and upset while she missed what was truly important--fellowship with Him. " - Dr. Eggerichs

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Something profound just hit me today as I listened to the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

Martha was filled with self righteousness when she thought she saw something in her world that Jesus did not. It's incredible for me to realize this because it was Jesus she was talking to. JESUS! The perfect example of Love...and yet she still fell into the trap of self righteousness.

That just shows me how strong that bent is in my own life. If Martha could still fall into the trap while she talked to Jesus...how much more can I when I talk to people around me? As a woman I do see things in the world differently than a man; however that does not mean that I am right about my perception. It's just a different perspective on the world. Not only that but it can be, in many ways, completely wrong and misguided!

What an enormous amount of grace and patience God must lavish on me as I walk though this life learning to die to myself and trust His way not my own.

He truly is an amazing God!